


As We See Each Other Again

by eorozco2720



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cas & Gabriel work in Brazil, Cas is writer, Cas kidnapped by family at young age, Dean is Mechanic, Desensitivity, F/M, Fluff, Homophobia, M/M, Minor Violence, Work In Progress, guilt feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:55:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 40,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21666292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eorozco2720/pseuds/eorozco2720
Summary: Dean and Cas had became very close their whole childhood and as they became teenagers thought about starting a relationship.  Circumstances, namely caused by his family interferred.Cas had to leave the country and joined with Gabriel a organization that was funded and owned by Chuck Stanley and became involved in helping others.   THe only problem with what he did is that he got himself too emotionally involved at times which caused him sadness and heartache when he couldnt do enough. At the same time he never forgot Dean and their childhood they sharedCas and Dean hadnt seen or heard from each other in a while.  Its going to be a test when Cas comes back into town and they wont know how to deal with each other at first.   Are they going to be anywhere as close as they were as children?  Dean doesnt know.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel & Gabriel (Supernatural), Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 2





	1. The Days of Yesterday

**Author's Note:**

> This is all fiction. None of it is based on truth including any organizations or any parts of the story that are based on the SUpernatural series and characters that we all love.  
> THis is my first story so be patient with me. I appreciate it
> 
> I will continually make changes because I am never satisfied so this may not be final  
> I have never been to South America or Brazil. Some of the facts like the Rainforest shrinking and needs to be built back up is true but none of the other events are. This is pure fiction and just a story I wanted to write for a while now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is talk of a bond or true mates, WHo knows if it is true.  
> All Dean knows is he did feel something special to his friend that he has had since 9  
> Can time heal wounds. Who knows on that too, but being away from Cas for 12 years meant nothing because when Dean saw Cas again it was like no time passed.  
> There is so much between them and against them. Are they going to be able to handle their past without letting old feelings get in the way and old events keep them from each other

Dean and Cas spent a lot of time together. Cas pratically lived with Dean. His family had no time for Cas while he was young, THey were very strict and expected their family to act a certain way. Cas was groomed to go into his fathers business as Michael his brother did. His other brother rebelled and Cas tried to also.  


When he disappeared, noone knew where he was at first. 9 months later, Gabe had let them know that Cas was ok and was with him Dean was hurt that Cas never contacted him and when he did Dean didnt respond back Cas did keep in touch with Sam who was like a brother to him when they grew up. He talked to him pretty regularly but had to stay away for a while. It started out that way but he stayed away a lot longer then expected with a group called Peaceful Keepers that was owned by Chuck Stanley that helped oppressed people with anything they needed like housing or schooling. It was in part due to also helping them including finding work and helping them survive. 

Cas family moved to Kansas, because Cas father owned a Advertising agency. He was very well known in business and gained a reputation from it. His mother was very strict and unemotional. She expected children to be seen and not heard. She did not really spend much time with them and was absent from them so they never grew close. She expected to live a certain way and had no time for children including Cas, but she expected the best from Cas and his brothers Gabriel and Michael. Michael was 8 years older then Cas and Gabriel was 3 years older. They had a strict religious upbringing and there was "no frivoulous or wasted time "as Naomi Novak said. Every minute was accounted for. THere was no time for playing or making friends. Work and reputation always came first and of course everyone had their part to play and was expected to do whatever needed to be done for the family and not to dishonor or embarrass them in any way Cas family were wealthy and had money and he had material comforts but his family was all about the business side of it and they were more interested in Michael the oldest brother who was working under his father in the advertising. There were rumors that there was more than that and they were dishonest and their business dealings were not always legal but that was never proven.>

Cas grew up with Dean and Sam Cas met Dean at school and became great friends with him and Sam, best friends. As soon as Cas met Deans family, they loved him Mary with consent from Cas family had Cas stay with them for school. She knew that he was often neglected and fell for this sweet little boy. Mary became a temporary parent to Cas and he grew up with Dean and Sam. Mary thought of him as another son and he became a member of the family. Everyone treated him as if he was part of the family. Cas came out of his shell and loved the attention and love he received. He also loved Sam like a brother and felt a special bond with Dean. They spent most of their time together and if anyone ever saw them they would not know they werent brothers.

As Dean remembered back to his childhood, that he spent with Cas.. When he first met Cas, he never imagined how much Cas would mean to him They started off as kids and just had a bond that developed more as they got older From all of his relationships he has with family or friends there is never anything like his relationship to Cas even though they were so young when they met. He felt it stronger as he got older. It was different then his closeness to Sam which he will always have that and loves his brother more then anything. It is something that has no words exactly that can describe it. Dean remembered how amazing it was to have Cas around not only for him but for his family. Cas was family . THey were all close and he thought they always would be. 

Dean was 9 when he met Cas. Deans mother was a single mother who tried to take care of her sons and had help from Bobby and Ellen too For the most part, Dean took care of the household matters even though he was so young, he was wise beyond his years. He saw how neglected Cas was and how introverted he was. Mary arranged with his family to have temporary custody of him so he could go to school and live with them. He realized how special his mother was to do that when it already wasnt easy for her. Cas truly started to feel like he was part of the family and to him they were his family. Mary worked hard and was a important part of the town. She always helped with the events in town like any big events that was put onand worked in the public relations department of the hospital. She was out of the house a lot when they were younger because she worked a lot of hours and became an important member of town and was relied on. She was gone a lot and she called Dean "the man of the house" and he took his job seriously. He took care of Sam, Cas and himself and was always there for them. 

Deans father John had died when Dean was 6. He died while fighting a fire that had spread and almost destroyed the town but because of Johns sacrifice to save his coworkers and othes lives he had made sure everyone else was out of the buildings that was affected before he came back out. He is the only one who didnt survive when one of the buildings fell on him when he had gone back in. It was hard for them to make it but they were very close due to the tragedy. Mary was very strong and Dean felt protective over her and Sam. So Dean learned early to take care of the house and took his job as big brother to Sam seriously. He made sure Mary always had the mail and he helped keep the house under control but he was also a kid so he had his moments that would just make everyone laugh. Mary was a great mother and would do all she could for her sons. She was gone alot but she always tried to make time for the boys when she could and tried to give them as much of a childhood as possible. She knew that it wasnt easy for them especially without a father. She was very protective. She worked for the hospital as a special events coordinator, so she saw a lot of families who had it a lot worse.

As Dean remebered back to his childhood that he spent with Cas. He never imagined how much Cas would come to mean to him and how much it would hurt when he was gone .

2008 8 Years old

"Ok everyone" said the blonde teacher, as spoke louder so she could be heard over the childrens chatter. She really cared about her kids and wanted to do what was best for them. When Castiel first came in, she walked over to him and found him to be extremely shy and a little afraid of being with other kids. She took him to the back of the room while the other kids were doing some work out of their books and a little chatter that was going on between them as they talked to each other. Ms Newcomb felt it was good for kids to talk to each other and get to know each other to develop social skills. SHe wanted them to get a along because she felt that was very important for them when they got older. She also thought that they should treat each other right because they all were important and felt it was important for children to feel that about themselves and each other. She wanted them to feel comradre towards each other and take care of each other so they hopefully become that way as adults.  


She took Cas by the hand to the back and sat down on a chair facing him while he stood up. He seemed to look down at the floor the whole time. He was afraid to look at the other kids and kept looking away. She had him sit in a chair and sat next to him. She very quietly started to talk to him and looked into his eyes as she gently took his hand.im. "Hi Castiel, my name is Ms Newcomb. I am really happy you are going to be in my class."  


He looked away with tears in his eyes as he tried to hide his face. He was so nervous and afraid of so many new faces. His family just moved into town and they had never had him go to school before. He had a tutor before and was home schooled so he didnt see strangers very often and was very withdrawn, He was very anxious and tense and tried to keep himself calm.  


"You know, when I was little, I used to always be in my room because I was afraid to make friends. My parents were always away because they worked, so I always had to be at home and I spent a lot of time alone. SO when I got older it was hard for me to make friends. There were times I was very lonely. Then I just started talking to others and slowly started making friends. Some of them are still my friends. I know this might be scary for you but I will do my best to be here for you, ok?" Ms Hanscom knew this was the first time Cas was out of the house for schooling due to the records she had of previous schooling he had.   


He started to raise his face and looked into her eyes, and she smiled at him which brightened his face. He thought it was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. He started to feel more at ease, but was still hesitant and looked in her friendly face and kind eyes. He looked at the other kids and some of them stared and didn not look friendly. He nodded and started to smile too. She noticed he had a beautiful smile and such beautiful eyes that she felt showed that he is special and kind.  


"You have a great smile. Dont ever hide that. It shows how special you are. Dont ever let anyone say you are not. Is it ok if I introduce you to the rest of the class now? You have a lot to offer and you need to show your personality and others will start to see you and get to know you. I can see you have a beautiful heart and that is important. I know you will make friends and won't be lonely anymore. You are going to make us all proud someday. I can see it in your eyes. I believe you are going to do great things. I dont want you to feel pressured or nervous . I know thats easier said then done but you will be ok and we all will help you"  


"You have a great smile too" as he nodded to her as his face turned red. and he became embarassed. "I'm sorry if I shouldnt have said that." He was always told not to say anything at home and to keep quiet . He knew he would like her a lot and she was kind and will be a good teacher. He still felt a little uneasy but the started to feel more at ease 

She lifted his chin when he put his face down. " Of course you can say that and thank you," with a big smile on her face. " What you say is important I am here for you and just come to me if you need to talk to me and you can come to me any time. I dont want you to be afraid. I know how that can be hard but I know you will do well. I have faith in you and I want you to have faith in yourself."  


Ms Newcomb tried to find out about the childrens home life because she knew that is what made them into the children they were and knew each child was different. She knew from experience that each childs home life affected how well they learned and how they interacted with each other. Each child learned at a different pace and with a different technique. She loved being a teacher and wanted to do what was best for her children and treat them the way they learned better. She felt as close to them as if they were her own and for a short while they were while they were in her class. It wasnt always easy because the families put a lot of pressure sometimes on the children that makes it harder on them. She knew that Cas had been home schooled and didnt spend much time away from his home so she hoped that someone would bring him out of his shell he was in.  


They walked up to the front of the class, She held his hand and as he looked at the other children he backed up a little. "Ok everyone, This is Castiel and he is going to be part of our class. We are very happy to have him here. Please say hello. She squeezed his hand ."  
The others said altogether "Hello Castiel" and they all looked up at him and he didnt know how to react to it because it made him want to run out of the class. He tried to stay brave because of the things Ms Newcombe told him about being special and he didnt want to disappoint her .  


She walked Cas to the middle of the first row and sat him at a desk. Castiel looked over to the side to see this boy with light hair, green eyes and the most beautiful big smile on his face. He smiled timidly back at him as he sat down. She squeezed his hand again as she walked up to the front of the class to continue their lesson they were working on . She started talking to the class and writing on the board the math lesson as they followed along.  


"Hi, My name is Dean, Dont worry I ll help you get caught up." Cas had never seen anyone more beautiful and started to feel more at ease. He stated to feel better and special like he never had before. He never had a friend before and wasnt sure how to act. He was nervous and happy at the same time. Dean could tell he was withdrawn but he looked at Cas and saw his beautiful blue eyes, and knew they were going to be friends. He saw that Cas was a little stiff and looked uncomfortable but there was something about him that made him want to be friends. He instantly liked him once Cas smiled at him with that little smile that grew as he talked to him. There was something special Dean felt about Cas that made him want to know him. 

Dean was very active and when their recess started they all ran out to play or just to have a break from class. Dean walked out with Cas and the other boys who yelled at Dean to come play kick ball. Cas said he wanted to stay there and watch because he just didnt feel comfortable due to he didnt know anyone yet. Also he never played any sport and didnt know how . He was very apprehensive and didnt want others to see how little he knew. Dean ran out to the other kids that were calling for him and they started throwing a ball around and running around to catch it. It was not a specific game and was very informal. \ . 

A few of the boys walked over to Cas and stood by him and started teasing him, because he was all alone and a little small for his age. They were the bullies and tried to find out about the new kid and make trouble . They noticed Dean was spending some time with him and Dean always stood up to them so they didnt bother Dean too much but that didnt mean they wouldnt bother the new kid. "Well look who we have here. Your name is Castiel. What kind of name is that/" They started laughing at him and pushing him around a little bit. *Look at this. I think he is going to cry" as they laughed more. Cas was detemined to be strong and there was no way they were going to see him cry. He told himself he would try to be brave. He looked at them and didnt know what to do and was scared. He tried to walk away but they surrounded him and started laughing and calling him names. Dean noticed something was going on when he looked over at Cas and saw what was happening as he ran over to them. He ran over and got between Cas and the boys looking at them. " Whats going on, Al?"

He looked at Castiel who had his head down holding on to his book and trying to hide behind it . Cas looked up at Dean and there was a hurt in his eyes. Dean looked at Cas with a wink and was determined to get rid of the hurt. He felt sad for Cas and felt something in his stomach when he looked at Cas afraid and sad. "Leave him alone. THe is my friend so you better not bother him"

"Come on Dean" the biggest boy said. He was about a inch taller then Dean and tried to show that he was taller. He tried to act tough to Dean, who wasnt letting it get to him. "Why are you wasting your time with him. You will go against us when you dont even know him. We are just trying to have some fun. Hes not like us Dean. You know that. We are your friends not him. He doesnt belong here "  


"No' Dean said, "he is my friend and you better leave him alone. If you dont like that then you can deal with me, Al. I will not let you bother him again. You already know that I will find out and I will find you if anything does happen to him" Dean has had his history with Al. Al has blond hair with brown eyes and was a little stockier then Dean but Dean was fast and knew how to fight due to he always protected Sam. His father made sure he was able to stick up for himself and taught him that when he was very young

Al and the 3 other boys looked surprised. THe other boys walked away quickly. Dean had a reputation even though he was so young. Al looked at Dean with a hateful look. "Alright Dean. I dont know why you are protecting someone you dont know. Look at him. He looks like he is going to cry. Hes not like us. He is weak We are all stong and we should stick together. We have known each other forever Dean. "

Dean walked up and stood very close to Al and said '\" No hes not like you. Thats what makes him great, but you are wrong. I do know him now and he is my friend. I will protect him and if I find out you bother him at all I will come and find you and you will deal with me. DO you understand that? Do I need to say it again?" Dean glared at him and looked very angry. He was not going to let anyone harm Cas and it felt good 

Al looked at Dean and started to walk away. "Alright Dean but dont come back to us when you dont want to be his friend anymore. You will get tired of him." He walked away then to where the other boys were. *Dont worry I wont " Dean said and turned back to Cas .

"Thank you Dean for helping me. THat is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I dont know what I would have done without you I dont know why they wanted to bother me. I dont know what I did "  
Dean had the biggest smile ever and Cas words moved him inside. He put his arm around Cas and hugged him. "Its ok Cas You didnt do anything. They are not very nice and you are not the only one they bother. I will always be here for you; If they ever bother you, let me know, ok? Its hard to be the new kid but you will be ok with me as your friend. I promise it will be ok”

That was the start of their friendship and they soon were together all the time and became fast close friends that stayed friends until they became teenagers. 

As he thinks back now to the first time he met Cas he smiles. A tear drops out of his eyes as he thinks about that first time, knowing what they became to each other later, stuck by each other and so many times together. Another tear comes out as he realizes what they are now . THey havent seen each other in years but that feeling Dean had is still there for his friend who could have been more. He missed that feeling.

There were so many more times that Dean remembered about his best friend. Cas was so closed off to everyone but to Dean. As many times passed after that first day that they ran around at Deans house and Cas became a part of the family and charmed everyone. He became a part of their lives as everyone grew to love him. He became a unforgetable part of everyone lives and somehow managed to become permanently in all of their hearts. He still was in Deans heart to this day, even though he would not admit that to anyone and tried not to admit it to himself.

Dean remembers the first time he brought Cas home after school. Cas was withdrawn at first but when he walked in the door with Dean who had a huge smile lit across his face. THere was just something about Cas that made him happy to be around with. Noone was at home when Dean comes home because Dean usually was the first home.  


Mary is still at work and Sam was at Ellens where he is everyday after school. Sam is only in the first grade and Ellen always watches him till Mary gets off work. Dean also watches him sometimes when Ellen works before Mary gets off work. Ellen, who lives closer to the school, goes to pick up Sam everyday. He and Ellens daughter, Jo are in the same class so he goes home with her . Ellen and Mary are very close and have been for many years. Ellen is always there for the boys and is like a second mother. Both familes have been for many years and are family and always will be. 

Dean feels he is old enough that he can spend time alone and he takes care of things at the house before Mary gets home. He will usually have it cleaned up by the time Mary comes home. He always calls Ellen or Mary to let them know he is at home. They know he is young but Dean has helped his mom so much and feels to ease her worry he will clean the house and get out the meals to defreeze and keeps the house pretty much in control. He takes his job seriously and does what he can since hes the man of the house. br />

Dean was so excited to show Cas his home. He and Cas had been getting closer since they met a few weeks before. Cas like to write stories about far away adventures and Dean was always so full of energy and seemed to be more physical then Cas. He loved playing baseball and tried to teach Cas how to hit and run in basebal. Cas was always better running and though he wasnt as athletic as Dean in the same sports he did like running and solitude. 

"What are you doing" Dean would ask Cas as Cas was running around in circles in the tall grass in the back. "I am flying" Cas told Dean . "You cant fly." "Yes I can, Just believe, Dean. You can do anything you want. Ms Hanscum said if you have faith you can do anything." Dean looked strangely at Cas. He shook his head and laughed. " Your problem is you have no faith" as he closed his eyes. "Just believe and imagine" with a huge smile on his face. "You are a weird kid,' Dean said with a fond look at Cas. "But its ok" with a huge smile.  


Mary soon came home soon and opened the door calling for Dean. He ran over to her as he said "Come on Cas." "HI Mom," as he ran to the door. "How was your day?" Mary smiled brightly at her oldest son. She was amazed how sometimes he could be so grown up and other times be such a little boy. "I brought a friend home. "

"Hello what is your name," she asked Cas with a huge smile. Cas thought she was beautiful her beautiful long blond hair and eyes like Deans. He looked at Dean and looked back at her. "Castiel Novack" He looked at their beautiful house and big kitchen. It wasnt as big as his but it was nicer because it looked lived in with their stuff all around there was a big wooden bookcase that had games and dvds. Next to it was a big Tv . It really looked like they lived there and wit seemed a happy and loving place which was so different from his home. There was a big green couch in the living room across from the TV . THere was big windows with beautiful red curtains. It was a little blurry because they didnt have anyone who did all the cleaning. He could see pictures all around. He loved the house and thought it was a great place to live. The front room led to the kitchen that also was bright. There were pictures that they drew on the refrigerator. There was a wooden table they ate on that was next to the wall. It was very open. THe refrigerator was next to the wall that led to the glass screen doors that left outside while the stove and cabinets were on the other side. It was neat and clean. THere was a hall that was a dark color that had an assortment of paintings that led to the stairs that led to the bedrooms.  
"Well Castiel Novack, THank you for coming to our home and welcome. Does your parents know you are here." "Yes." he said. "I told my brother. Thank you," in reponse.  


Dean started laughing and asked. "Wheres Sam?" Just as he said that, little Sam came running into the kitchen laughing as he almost pushed Dean into Cas.  
"Sam, Stop that! Thats not nice. Appologize to our visitor Castiel" His face fell as he said "i'm sorry," Sam was a little boy who had hazel eyes and brown hair that was darker then Deans. He was small and energetic too.  
"it's ok" Cas said quietly as he looked fondly at him and his big smile that he had with a missing tooth and a huge smile. He seemed to understand more then most boys his age and even though he was so young he seemed very understanding.  


"Would you like to stay for dinner, Castiel" Mary asked, "I will start it in a few minutes as soon as I change and take a shower."  
" Yeah Cas please stay," Dean asked excitedly.  


Cas did and enjoyed being with a real family and told Dean "I wish I had your family." "Whats wrong with your family;" Dean asked.  


"My parents dont care about me. I cant make noise or run or have any fun because the house always has to stay clean. I can only talk certain times and have to make the best grades or else I will get in trouble. There is never any fun there." He looked sad. "I dont really have anyone who cares about me except sometimes my brother, Gabriel. I never can do what I want and always have to be busy. I hardly ever see my parents. THey dont act like they care and the few times I do see them they are talking about how great my brother Michael is or they are yelling at me for something I did or didnt do. We have a maid who I see more then my parents and it gets lonely."  


"I'm sorry Cas. THat is really sad. I do care about you and you can be part of my family," Dean said smiling very brightly. He felt there was something special about Cas. He didnt know how but he just had a special feeling about him. He knew they were going to be close and he felt like it would be special  


A tear came out of Cas' eye and he said "Thank you Dean. THank you for being my friend."  
"Best friends, " Dean said as he put his arm around him and gave him a half hug. "We will always be best friends." Those are the times he will remember for ever. I miss those times he thinks, There is just something about being a kid that is innocent because there is so much you dont know yet. 

Now almost 20 years later Dean realizes as he is thinking about those times that several tears have fallen. He starts wringing his hands together as he lifts his head from his hands and gets out of his car and goes inside to his house. He remembers many of the times he and Cas spent as children and all the way till Cas had to leave when he was 16. He looked inside his modest house that Mary and Sam helped him decorate. It was a small 2 bedroom but it was good for him. He had a small kitchen that was a light tan color and a small table and chairs. There was a several cabinets and a pantry and a big window that looked out into the back where there was a lot of room with a grill and outdoor table and chairs. He loved his bedroom that had a king size bed which took most of the room but he didnt care. He always wanted a huge bed. He liked his little house because it was his. It was a little small but it was good for him and it was the place he enjoyed being at the most. 

He spent most of his evenings at home except when he went out with friends or family. He visited his mom a lot still and always kept in touch with Sam but lately they havent had much time. Sometimes he wishes he had someone special. He has friends that he spends time with and loves them all but to have someone that he knows he will see every day. He tried in the past but they were just dates that really never went anywhere. Now he wants something more permanent and he wishes he wasnt alone so much He thinks about the Days of yesterday. He misses them because they were so very special 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am constantly updating and trying to improve this story I know its not perfect but I am always reading it and improving how things are worded to make it better and improve the story


	2. Moments Missed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas considers his options and braces himself for going to the one place he has ever considered home.  
> It will be harder then even he thinks as he visits Gabriel. 
> 
> Sam gets the news that Cas is coming and thinks about how to prepare Dean

Cas hadnt been home in a long time for several reasons but it is still home to him. He missed it and needed to come back for a while and Gabriel was adament that he get away from Brazil, a while. They have been working there with a group that is trying to make housing available to the residents and try to build up the rainforest but lately it has been getting dangerous due to violence. He was getting himself too wrapped up in what he was doing over here and it was affecting him mentally. He loved helping these people who needed it and felt like he was making a difference but it was becoming dangerous for this who were there to help. 

THere was so much they needed and just sometimes no headway was made in making a better life. THey couldnt support themselves and some couldnt even work. THere was a lot of vandalism and fires that burned down the trees that were needed so bad so the government could sell the land but it left nothing for the people who had lived there. The government didnt care what happened to them so that left a lot of people homeless when their homes are destroyed either by weather related problems or from fires. He has been working with this organization for 10 years now that works to build housing or schools for people who cant do it themselves. It is funded by Chuck Sturley who is known for coming up with a organization that grew to the size it is now. He is known for doing good work in other countries trying to make things better for people who have nowhere else to go or noone to stand up for them. It works similar to the peace corps but this is totally under Chucks control and he has many people who work for him in all fields. Castiel happened to find him, with Gabriels help, and they volunteered to go to help to get out of the country when they found out his family was looking for him but as time went on he found it truly rewarding because he could help others. He started writing about it and enjoyed that and still does enjoy his writing Which he will continue to do.. He felt that he needed to get the story out there the help these people get what they needed and how they were living, He was known for the stories he wrote and was offered a job by several magazines and websites that were familiar with his work and was interested in the work he was doing. With Gabriels help, Cas found Chuck who offered Cas and Gabriel a job doing what they do. They both knew it was their chance to get away to help him with what he was doing. He also helped Cas get writing jobs that helped supplement his income. Cas loved to write about the conditions people were living in and what they had to go through. He felt free when he wrote and he was proud of his writing. He wanted to write more about his experiences and wanted to get the story out of what these people had to deal with everyday . He also loved sharing their story with others who werent even aware what was going on. 

p Gabriel has been his true support this whole time. He was supportive and really was there for him in more ways then one. They both knew what they had to do. He is the one who found Cas after he was taken by his family and kept against his will in a conversion therapy camp for 9 months. Gabriel searched for him and tried to get his family to release Cas His parents kept themselves hidden, but that didnt stop Gabriel. After Gabriel and Cas left there was a lot of attention and Nadine and Ishim left town and have not been heard from . Cas knew he was very lucky to have Gabriel as his brother to do what he did. 

Gabriel fought against his family and got some help to find Cas. They knew that their family would search for them. Gabriel was going to help Mary fight for Cas for custody due to there was pressure being put on everyone by Nadine, and she had lawyers that was preventing him from finding Cas Gabriel had found Chuck and became friends with him due to he helped raise Gabriel and took care of him after he left home. Chuck helped Gabriel through schooling and Gabriel became interested in the work he was starting at that time. Thats when they decided to get involved in his group for several reasons and one was they needed to get away from the influence and pressure of their family who was making it hard for them to stay where they were. THey had too much money and influence and Gabriel knew they needed to leave not only for Cas sake but for his own too. Gabriel had been estranged from his family longer then Cas and accompanied him and made sure he was ok because he was still underage. Without Gabriel, Cas doesnt know what would have happened to him. Gabriel knew how Cas felt and knew that he was heartbroken with what happened and what he had to go through with his family. Gabriel had been rebellious before but didnt have the courage to cut the ties with his family totally till what they put Cas through. His parents had already cut off any support to Gabriel and Cas and they both knew that it was the end of any ties between them and their family. 

Cas remembered some of his memories when he was a child and how important Dean was to him. Dean was always so brave even as a child and he became very attached to Cas. After the first day they met, they became very fond of each other and Cas started spending more and more time with Dean. HE loved Deans mother and was envious of Dean of his life. Dean had such a great family and not just family but so many who cared about him. Cas wanted that too and thought he might get it but that didnt happen. He also became very attached to Sam and thought of him as a brother. Cas loved them all. 

"Hello" a familiar voice answered when he called. 

"Hello Sam. How are you doing?" 

"I m doing good, Cas. It is good to hear from you. Its been a while. How are you doing. I ve missed hearing from you."

"I'm sorry about that Sam," Cas said with a unhappy look on his face. "That was purely unintentional. It has been getting tense here and I was unable to communicate with anyone ."

"Are you ok, Cas?" Sam said very tense and worried.

"Things are ok. Things are getting tense here and Gabriel wants us to get away from here for a while."

"Thats probably a good idea. I have been hearing stories about the growing tension there ."

"There are just unexpected things happening and some reports of violence in other parts of the country. I have been writing about the experiences and tension not only with the people that live here but about them living from day to day being unsure about what is going to happen and starting to feel panicked. I m thinking about coming back there. Gabriel is going to come with me. Its the only place I ever felt happy and I miss everyone and would like to see them."

"It will be good to see you, Cas. I really missed you. We all missed you and have really wanted you to come bac for a long time. I know everyone else will be happy too"

"Thank you Sam. I missed you too. I miss the days with you and Dean. THey were the best in my life. I know we have talked about this before but you understand it wasnt my choice to leave. I didnt want to but when Michael and my dad took me I tried to get away but I couldnt. It was the worst time of my life and I felt so useless They tried to take me to in their words "straighten me out" and took me to a church in Texas where they tried to *get rid of the evil that was inside me in their words. The thing is, that it wasnt because they cared in any way what I wanted but because I was "expected" so I could work with them and keep their reputation in tact and be the son they wanted. They didnt care about anyone except to get money out of them and would think nothing of hurting or ruining someone in any way they saw fit . I never could and I knew that from when I was young " Cas voice hitched and a shudder went through him. "I m sorry Sam. How are you doing," he asked again with a shudder and a sniff in his voice. The only thing I am thankful about is that they didnt want me around and let me with you. THey even let your mother take over custody because at that time they had no use for me. I know I m rambling and should be telling you this in person ." He brok down and his voice cracked “ I m so sorry.”

"Its ok Cas. Dont worry about it. I m glad you are talking to me about it. I look forward to seeing you and talk more. Please always know you can talk to me anytime. I will really be glad to see you again. You are my brother and I will always love you We will talk more when you get here"

A tear came out of Cas eye as he closed his eyes. "Thank you Sam. I will look forward to seeing you too. I always felt close almost like we were like brothers too. I really missed you." He sniffed again and looked up to the sky like he could see so far.

Sam tensed. "Not like brothers, Cas. We are brothers. Dont forget that ever. I m sorry about all that you had to go through. I cant believe your family did that to you. I wish you didnt have to go through that. When are you coming? Mom will be so happy." 

"Monday. ITs not a good time to be here now and Gabriel wants to get us out soon. Sam," Cas hesitated and drew in a breath. "Hows Dean?"

Sam inhaled. "Hes doing good. He is still working with Bobby. He practically runs the whole shop. He does some restoration but you know Dean. He always likes building and seeing how things work. He has just finished some business courses of business and accounting. THey were side courses as he gets more into helping Bobby. He is thinking about eventually getting his own business but to be honest I think he will probably stay with Bobby. Bobby would understand if he did move on . He always had a real talent for mechanics. I think he got that from dad. He has helped update Bobbys business with help from a friend of his who is bringing technology in it. ."

"I'm glad to hear that Sam. I need to go, I wish I could talk longer but Gabriel is motioning to me. I will see you soon;"

Sam relaxed his hand that was holding the phone tightly. "Ok Cas I cant wait to see you. I am looking forward to catching up in person."

"Sam," Cas sniffled and quirked his brow. 'i m real sorry if I caused any pain or distress in any way. I know how it hurt and the pain you all went through with all that happened"

"i know but don’t be silly," Sam looked out his window "it wasnt your fault. We will talk when you get here. I m really glad you are coming. Please be careful and take care."

"Thanks Sam," Cas pinched his nose "I will see you soon, Bye." He hung up and closed his eyes and sat he head in his hands.

He will never forget how Dean and he got along and how he felt when he was around him. It truly was the only time he felt like he had a home with people who really cared He never wanted to leave the only place he considered his home. He just did what he felt he had to with Gabriels help and support to stay away from his family till he became 18 when he would be a legal adult He actually was trying to get emancipated so he could be separate from his family Mary was trying to help him and was willing to legally adope him also. 

Cas knew that there was a chance Dean would be bitter about what happened. Cas had been in touch with Sam and there was communication between Sam and Cas but Dean refused to hear from Cas . There was a 3 year period where there was no communication That was after Gabe helped Cas get away from his family and had Cas go with him to meet Chuck who was looking for people to help his staff After several meetings, Gabriel and Cas joined Chucks company to go to South America and start on work that was much needed. He ended up staying with them for 10 years and helping Chucks organization grow into the huge foundation it became.Cas loved the work he was doing . 

THe only problem is Cas has too kind of a heart and would get emotionally involved in what happened to the people who didnt always have happy endings. He got attached to them. It affected him very much and his latest writings to the national magazine With Chuck help,he got the job and it was very fulfilling for Cas. Gabriel noticed the unsteady atmosphere and the threats of unease and violence for a while and convinced Cas that they needed to get away for a while to clear their heads. Gabriel felt unsafe there and felt it was for the best to get away plus it was recommended to all who were there to leave by others who lived there and worked there.

Cas was sitting in the middle of a beautiful area with the most beautiful trees ever. There was green grass and there was a lake nearby. It was one of the most beautiful things he has seen. If not for all the history it has had but Cas was proud of all the work he particapated in to make this area a beautiful home for many people. It is something he will always be proud of. He was about a mile away from where all the work was being done. He thought about his life so far and what has happened for him to get to this point and to be doing the work he is doing now. He is will always be thankful for his brother who has helped him in so many ways and the ability to be able to do what he is doing. 

He also thought back to his childhood and a certain boy who he fell for who had the most beautiful green eyes he has ever seen. That was really the most beautiful he has ever seen. He knows he was young but he grew up with this special person and knows what he felt to truly feel like he belonged. He wanted to so much. It is undescribable and not able to be put into words but he had his life planned to go a certain way and due to other circumstances it went into ways he would have never imagined. He is still a little bitter but heinous it doesn’t do him any good to think of his past

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

He heard the little boys voices and laughter and thought to another time that seemed so long ago but yet also seemed like yesterday. 

{"So Cas. what should we do today." Dean said in his excited voice and energetic attitude. 

Cas runs through the green grass toward the trees. "I want to be a bee," as he has his arms out waving throug the tall grass and disappearing from sight. 

Dean laughs and says" You are a weird little dude'" as Cas stops to look at him. "I like that you are," He says with a big smile. Cas perplexed look turns into a smile as they run around each other laughing and jumping through the grass and by the trees out back. 

Cas stopped and looked at the big tree that was so tall. "How old do you think that tree is?" 

"Hundreds of years old. Its so tall it goes so high in the sky."

Cas said "you can find out the age by measuring the circumference of the trunk in inches and then dividing that number by pi and then look up the growth factor for the type of tree you're measuring by inside the tree trunk the amount of circles in it that is how much width it gains,"

Dean stopped and said "did you say pie? How can you divide by pie?"

"No Dean," Cas said with a giggle and a roll of eyes. "It is not that kind of pie, It is a term that is circle circumference,"

"Wow, Cas you are so smart. Of course you would know something like that Its no wonder you do so well in school. HOw do you know that stuff."

Cas smile slipped from his face. He shrugged his shoulders and said "I have to know that. My mom would get very mad at me if I dont do well and when I m at home there is nothing for me to do. I have to stay in my room and so I do my homework and read a lot so I look up a lot of things when I get bored ."

"Wow Cas that sounds lonely and boring,"

"It is," Cas says as he looks up in the sky and notices how blue it is. A foul of birds fly by and he watches them how hey all stay together. The shuns peeks through the clouds as it is setting down for the night.

"Well I m glad you are here and I hope you will stay always, " Dean says.

"Its so I dont get in their way. They want me to do well in school so they can act like they are great parents. THen when I get old enough they want me to work for in my dads business but I m too little to do anything now so they dont care. Sometimes I dont feel like I have a family because they dont really care about me, not like I wish they did ." Cas says with a tear falling down his face." I m glad your mom was able to talk to them and arrange for me to stay here . 

Dean pulled him over. " you do matter Cas, You have me and you are part of my family. Mom and Sam love you too. "

Cas smiled that big smile he has that makes Deans heart patter and he cant help but smile back. "I wish I could live with your family forever.

"I do too, Cas. I wish you could too. You will always be part of my family no matter what. Hey Cas Bobby said that he will take us camping soon. You can go with us. It will be so much fun."

Mary called them to come inside for dinner. THey went running in the house yelling. "Dean, Cas go wash your hands. Dont run. Sam come down for dinner." Dean and Cas was laughing as they started washing their hands and throwing water at each other."

Sam came running from the living room yelling . "Hi Cas I m glad to see you." 

Cas laughed "You see me a lot. " 

"I know but I m happy to see you again. I love you." Sam said. He was six and was always so open and Cas thought of him like a little brother

Dean started making gagging noises. "Stop that Dean," Mary said. "Thats not nice."

"I'm sorry mom, " Dean said. 

"You say it to Sam," Mary said trying to look sternly at him with a little smile on her face.

"Sorry Sam;"

"THank you, Sam," Cas said with a smile . "I like to see you. I m glad I get to stay here so much. I love you too. Dean is just mean " he smiled so big at Sam 

Sam just smiled back and said "Yeah he is. HE is mean." He laughed. Cas laughed with him and said, "Dont worry Sam. I ll protect you and high fived Sams hand wh just started laughing/

"Hey hey this is not fair. Thats not right Whats this? You are not supposed to be on his side," he smiled and looked to his mom. "Cas is a part of the family, right mom?" .

Mary had a huge smile on his face and said, "You definitely are Cas and you always will be," SHe has gotten to know Cas a lot in the 6 months that he started coming over. He stays with them which she was happy that he did. SHe loved him and thought of him as one of her own She has met and talked to his family and she didnt like them too much. They always sounded like kids should not be heard and like Cas was in the ways going as far as saying that it actually would be a favor to them so they didnt have to deal with him. She didn’t lie his parents but in her job she does come across people that she always likes. There is just something about Cas that was so sweet She knew he was neglected and never was shown affection THe only one that she liked at all was his older brother Gabriel who stopped by sometimes to see Cas but he is 15 THey became attached to him too but he was living with CHuck who became like a father to him . He is starting to get pressure from the family at his age and was unhappy at home also. Mary wishes she could have Cas stay always with them but she is not sure about his family and was wary of them. THey were only concerned about wealth and their reputations, things that really didnt matter as far as she was concerned. To her family is the most important. She smiles big at Cas and kisses his head.

THere is a knock at the door and Mary goes to get it. "Hi Bobby, We are having dinner. Would you like to join us,"she said. 

Bobbys gruff voice sounded in the hallway. "Maybe some other time, Mary. I brought your car home. Ellen is going to give e a ride home." 

"Oh Bobby you didnt have to do that. I could have went to pick it up tomorrow."

"its no problem. You know that. Besides it gave me a chance to get some pie that she had and there was extra and I brought some over."

Dean eyes got wide and he looked at Bobby as he entered the kitchen where the 3 boys were eating. 

"HI boys" said with a big smile. "Are you all being good?" 

"Yes" they all said. "Did I hear you say you brought pie," Dean said with a big smile and his eyes wide.

"You did," Bobby said. 

"Yay! Hey Bobby, Can Cas go with us camping," Dean asked. 

"Why he sure can," as he looked at Cas. "It will be a pleasure. You are always included and here so much that its like you are one of my boys. Will it be ok with your family,"

Cas smile dropped and said "They dont care. It will be ok'"

Mary and Bobby looked at each other. "Its ok Bobby." Mary said. "I ll take care of that. I keep in touch with them. He stays here so often and I am a temporary guardian for him. I see his family a lot at work, and they are extremely busy with their business affairs and feel that they need to take care of that first " She gave Bobby a look like they will talk about it another time so he didnt continue . 

"Well ok then I ll see you all Friday. I have to go I m glad you will be with us Cas"

"Thank you Bobby. I appreciate you bringing the car." "It was my pleasure Mary. I ll see you soon" Mary walked him to the door .

"See Cas you are part of our family, "Dean said with a big smile on his face. "And you always will be." 

Cas smiled and hoped he would as he ate his dinner. IT was really good. He was very happy.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Cas smiled as he was looking at a large tree thinking about the days he was younger and spent a lot of times with the Winchesters. He smiled as he wiped a tear from his face. He got up and walked towards the site where the work was being done. 

Gabriel saw him as he walked over to the tents that were set up where the supplies were. "Are you ok Cas"

"Yes I got a lot on my mind. Lets get back to work so we can finish for the day. I m tired and we can go back to the rooms to get some sleep."

"ok;" Gabe said, "Cas it will be ok . Everything will be fine. YOu know that right?"

Cas brushed his hair back. "Yes Gabriel, Lets get back to work"

He had mixed feelings about going back and seeing everyone and explain what has been going on with him and to see everyone again but it was time and he needed to set everything right. Cas walked over to where the houses and a school were being built. He was thinking about how he missed the days of Yesterday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me I am not as good of a writer as some of the other amazing writers  
> This is my first fic so be patient with me please


	3. I Miss Yesterday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has a decision to make about what to say to Dean, 
> 
> Cas gets prepared to come home and makes some decisions of his own that impact his life with the help of Gabriel 
> 
> Dean gets a surprise That he has no idea how to feel about if and it causes confusion about what he doesnt and does know

Sam had a lot to think about. His life was good now. He has a great girlfriend THings are going well at his job He finished the schooling and doesnt owe anything for that. It was paid off and he was proud of that.  
He loves his mother who is a beautiful loving mother. Yes she struggled for many years helping them all survive. He has close friends. He has a great brother who he trusts and knows more then anyone else. Dean is the one person who raised him and made him what he is. He knows that Dean always puts himself down or doesnt take credit for all the good things he has done but Sam knows that Dean is so special. He gave up a lot to make sure Sam is who he is and he will never forget that . He is more then a brother to him. He is so many things and he will never forget that or will never stop telling Dean that. Dean always gets in uncomfortable but it doesn’t stop him from telling Dean how much he appreciates him.

He is at home sitting on his big gray couch that was picked out by Dean. It takes a lot of the room He had many bookcases full of many books including text books he saved and momentos. He remembers first getting his place and Dean and Mary helping him pick out the furniture and all the work done to get it in place. He was so excited due to he graduated college and was offered a job pretty quickly at the law firm he works at now. He met Jessica. through the college and they are seeing each other often. He knows he loves her very much. They have been seeing each other for 9 months but it has become serious for him in the last 2 months.  
He has a lot to be thankful for. Dean is the main reason and his mother. Affter his father died, Dean took care of a lot of things a boy his age shouldnt have to but he did and he always protected Sam and watched over him. He sacrificed a lot for Sam and Sam will always be grateful for that . He knows how lucky he is and he won’t take it for granted. He has seen a lot who haven’t been as lucky.

Cas was like a brother to him. He lived with them for 6 years and was very smart and Sam loved talking to him. They had a lot in common due to they both liked school and loved learning Cas received something that his own family didnt give him. He was loved by Sam and Dean and their family and he was truly cared about Cas family only cared about business and wealth. Cas was different from them and they didnt like it and decided not to be bothered by Cas (In their words) He never had anything in common with them. Cas felt different about how to treat people and what is important. THe only one his parents cared about was the oldest son, Michael who was following in his fathers footsteps and became just like his father. Sam didnt see him often but when he did. He was not very sociable or pleasant at all. He was much like his parents who looked down on others and was very arrogant . They lived outside of town in a huge house. THey only talked to certain people and was very judgemental against anyone else who didnt fit their ideas of how people should be or within a certain income brackett or status. Cas's other brother, Gabriel who seemed to be nice. He checked on Cas often. He didnt get along with his parents either and his parents were trying to pressure Gabriel into going into the business. Gabriel was different from the family and from Cas but they got along the best.. Gabriel was strong minded and stubborn and it was good that he was with Cas. He always stuck up for him and wanted him to be happy. It was good Cas stayed with Dean and Sam due to it was a lot closer to school. It was a win for all concerned Cas pretty much stayed with them till he was 16 but then his parents started demanding he come home for short periods of time and started pressuring him to stick up for his family. When they kidnapped Cas and forced him away from his life, they let everyone think he was missing and noone knew where he was or what happened. Its lucky that Gabriel found out and with a little help he went and rescued Cas but they had to leave soon after when the family started making pressure for them when they tried to find a them. After a few years, Ishm and Naomi stopped and decided to not continue trying to find them. They havent been heard of since but it was said they moved east towards New York but they stayed quiet and seemed to melt into the background. Cas lived with them for 6 years and it was great. Cas truly became a member of the family and everyone considered him that He didnt want to go home and his parents never cared too much about him in that 6 years, until they had use for him. The pressure started increasing whereas they would try to contact them and threaten Cas in several ways, so Mary was trying to work out to adopt Cas. Cas even tried to be emancipated but then at that time, Cas disappeared. Gabriel let them know what happened and that is when they left to leave the country. Gabriel felt there was no other choice and got help from CHuck who he had became very close with. 

Sam started to think about the those times and so many of the times they spent with Cas and grew up with together, He started thinking about how close Cas and Dean started getting as they got older in a different way. Sam knew that Dean probably fought his feelings at first. He knew he would have a hard time with his feelings. He didnt tell Sam or his mom till after he graduated when he started taking courses in Mechanics He dropped out after a year because he wanted to help his brother take his courses and help pay for them even though most of Sams courses was paid by his scholarship . He also wanted to contribute to the household and help with expenses.

Sam thought about what he was going to do and made a call. It Rang 3x and then "Hey Sam," As he exhaled, "Whats going on?"

"Hey Dean, Just wanted to say hello. What are you doing?"

"Just getting off work and on the way home. I m a little tired but doing ok."

"Do you want to get a bite with me at the Roadhouse?"

"Sure, I just need to go home and take a shower and change. Is everything ok?"

"Oh year, Dean. Just wanted to talk a bit and spend a little time with you?"

"Ok Sam." Dean said as the light turned green and he started driving towards home. "I ll see you in about a hour."

Sam smiled. "OK Dean. See you then. I m looking forward to this. I havent seen you in a while."

Dean said "Yeah so am I and yeah its been a couple of weeks. I guess we are both busy. It seems hard to believe its been that long. I ll see you before this turns into a chick flick moment."

Sam laughed. "Thanks Dean. See you in a few." He hung up with his smile disappearing and his brow furrowed as he started to get ready to go.

Dean drove to his home. It was a modest house, not as big as Sams or his moms but it was just right for him. It was on the outside a pretty white house with a blue trim and was a 2 bedroom 2 bath home. The inside was split level and had a medium sized kitchen. His bedroom was a good size with a black lacquered king size bed. He knew he didnt need a king size bed for just him but he loved the room on it and had a comfortable mattress. There was a matching dresser with a mirror on it and had a flat tv in the room He had a modest walk in closet. His living room had a brown sofa and a recliner and a larger TV with a That had shelves full of DVDS. He loved watching movies to unwind and settle down for the day. There was a small table and chairs enough for 4 in the kitchen that was painted a light blue color. He had a garage outside which he used to work on his car sometimes. He liked his house and it was plenty big for him. 

He got home and went to his bedroom to pick out something to wear and decided to put on some dark blue jeans with a long sleeve button up red shirt and his black leather jacket. He was concerned about why Sam really asked him to go out. Its not that they didnt go out to eat or do something together sometimes but the timing is strange to Dean and its not usually the same day invitation. Dean and Sam have both been busy. 

Dean has been hard at work at Bobbys shop. He is Bobbys best worker and he and Bobby are very close. He has been working with Bobby for 10 years now and Bobby has always been there for him and was like a father to him. It has been very busy lately and Dean works extra hard to get the cars that come in as fast as he can and Bobby always puts him on the harder jobs because he knows he can trust him to do it right. He enjoys his co workers too which is Benny who is very good at his job and a bit of a ladies mand and Garth who is exactly the opposite as Benny. He is langley and awkward and is a great worker. THey are a big help and both good at their jobs. Dean took a shower quickly and dressed to go meet Sam. He turned on some music as he got ready. He went in his closet and passed by the scrapbook he has and took it out for a few minutes. He knew another story was written recently from Cas from where he was. He saved all of his stories he wrote about where he was and all the work they do in regards to all the work they are doing to help others who need it . He thinks back to times before remembering Cas as a child. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ They were in Deans room getting ready for bed. Deans room had two beds in it that had been bought recently because Cas stayed with them and both boys slept in the same room. They were cleaning up and putting their pajamas on getting ready. Dean was watching Cas doing homework and Cas looked at Dean and smiled. Dean loved Cas smile. It just seemed to brighten the whole room and Dean never could not smile when Cas did. "Are you finished with your homework, Dean?" Dean said "Almost, Hey Cas do you ever think about what you want to do when you grow up?" "Sometimes, I dont really know but I do know I want to do something that helps others in some way, I want to do something that matters. I want people to think I am smart and that I am good." "You are smart, Cas. You do so well in school. You are the smartest in class and you always help me. You are good too. You are the best of anyone I know." Cas looked at Dean with a strange look that Dean could decipher. "What? Its true. DOnt think otherwise. YOu are going to be important I just know it." "THanks Dean for saying that. You always know what to say to make me feel good." Its true Wait and see, YOu will be very important You are amazing. Cas." YOu are amazing too Dean" with a smile on his face. "You will be important too. You are very smart and already know about cars and get along with people so well. I think you are pretty special, Dean." ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Dean was looking at the scrapbook at the last article that Cas had wrote that was put in the magazine that he wrote for. He realized a smile was on his face and he was brought back to what he was doing when he looked up into the mirror and looked around the room. He got up and put the scrap book back in his closet and sniffed a little as he went into the bathroom washed his face and put on after shave and finished putting on his shoes, grabbed his keys and walked out his door past his porch to get into the Impala and head over to the Roadhouse 

When he got to the Roadhouse he saw Sams Prius there. It had a lot of people there but not as much as the weekends. Although it was Thursday it was doing well. This is the main place to eat and drink at in town. He hasnt been here for a while due to being so busy at the shop. It would be be interesting to see Ellen.  
He walked in to the bar past the pool tables which are right by the door and looked for Sam. 

Sam was talking to Ellen who when she saw Dean walked over to Dean and gave him a big hug. "Well, look who walked in?" 

Dean gave her a bug hug back. "Hi Ellen How are you doing?"

Ellen pulled away and looked at him and said "I m doing ok, I m so glad to see you. ITs been a while. I was beginning to wonder."

"I know Ellen. I m sorry . We ve just been working so hard at the shop. IT seems like everyone is having issues with their car and you know how Bobby is."

"Well you tell Bobby I said to stop working you so hard Dont wait so long next time"

"Ok Ellen, Will do."

At that moment Sam came up and said "Hi Dean I m glad to see you. Lets go sit down back here. I already have the table. Ellen gave us a great one to the back"

"Hey Sam. Lets go. I m hungry."

We"ll have 2 beers, Ellen," Sam said as he led Dean to the booth. 

They sat down and waited for Ellen to come with the menus. SHe brought the beers over and said "Its really great to see you boys here. Dont wait so long next time. Glad to hear things are going well for both of you, Do you know what you want?"

Sam said "I ll have a grilled chicken sandwich with side salad."

"I ll have a double cheeseburger and fries." 

"OK boys I ll bring that out to you." 

"Thanks" Both said 

Dean took a drink of beer. "Good to see you Sam. How is your job going lately? Have any big cases lately?"

"Yes just closed on one regarding someone stealing from their company due to their benefits being denied by the company. What about you? Anything new going on at Bobbys?

Naaa you know Bobbys, It makes me angry when some of those big wigs come in thinking they are too good to keep their car in shape and look down on others, like they think they are better then anyone else "

"I can think of some people like that They are always hard to get along with."

"Yeah I can think of some like that too and I dont want to think about them because they are not worth it "

"Yeah thats right. Um Dean I wanted to talk to you about something."

"I knew it. I knew this wasnt just us going out and wanting to spend time together."

"Dont be silly Dean. You know I miss going out and spending time together but I did want to let you know about something before it happens. Cas is coming back for a while"

Dean was about to grab a fry and his hand stopped in the air and he took a drink of beer instead. "Oh yeah " he said, "Who did you hear that from"

Sam hesitated and looked at Dean trying to interpret him and bracing himself for the worse. "Cas. He called me and talked to me about it."

Dean looked at him and took another drink. "Why did he call you Sam? Why is he contacting you now after all that time of no word from him."

"We have talked periodically when he could Dean. We have kept in touch. I never totally stopped talking to him and Gabriel has been in touch too."

"Why didnt you tell me, Sam? Why did I not know that?"

"I tried to Dean but every time I tried you didnt want to hear it. YOu told me in heated words if you recall you did not want to hear about him/ I really tried"

"Because when he disappeared, Sam I didnt know what happened to him and then I find out he went to another country and no word from him to even let me know he was ok."

"Dean he was kept by his parents in that conversion therapy and they had him hid away. Its lucky that he finally got away with Gabriels help and left to get away from his family. Gabriel took him in and Gabriel was working for Chuck Stanleys group that he put together to help people in other countries with housing and medical costs. "

"Why did he go Sam? He could have stayed"

No Dean he had to get away from his family and they are powerful so he needed to get away to somewhere where they dont have influence and so they didn’ cause trouble for anyone else."

But its been 12 years, Sam He didnt have to stay so long" Dean looked away and took another drink as his eyes watered. 

"Dean, He is very involved in his work now but it is getting dangerous up there. Gabriel and Cas are going to come over here for a while it is in that state and going to see what happens/" 

"So is he going to go back/" Dean says putting his hand to his face and sniffs. 

"I dont know Dean,"Sam said staring at Dean to see his reaction "There is a lot of work that needs to be done over there and you know how he is and always was. Remember when we used to talk about what we all wanted to do. HE would always say he want to help others and make a difference." 

"Yeah, Sam" Dean smiles and laughs. "Remember when we would run around in the fields by our house where the grass was so tall and it would almost cover us, Cas used to always run around with his arms out almost like he had wings. I used to laugh so hard at him because most kids would say things they wanted to do, like super heroes or something. Even I said I wanted to be a race car driver. Cas always seemed so wise for how young he was. I always had a hard time trying to figure him out."

Sam smiled as he remembered to their younger days "Yeah I remember Dean. He was quite a litle boy.:"

Dean smiled as he remembered the times they had and then stopped as a tear fell down his cheek. "It just really hurt so much when he disappeared before we knew what happened and even when we got word he was ok I really thought that he would come back and we would have time but then when he left and didnt communicate it hurt again so much worse. I just couldnt be hurt anymore. THats why I didnt want to hear anymore. I just couldnt handle it and I m not sure I can now. "

Sam had a tight lipped look as he looked down at the table. "I know Dean. It wasnt easy for any of us but I know it was hardest for you. I know how close you were. I was there too. . but Dean, it was hard for me and mom too. I used to catch her crying about Cas a few times. Everyone loved him. He had a better family with us then he did with his own family."

"Yeah, he did and you are right Everyone did love him." He wiped his face and took another drink of his beer as he caught Ellens look and pointed at his beer and Sams beer with his hand up letting her know they each wanted another. "When is he coming?" He took a fry and ate it and then finshed his last bite of his hamburger. 

Ellen showed up there with the beers and took Deans plate. "Do you boys need anything else." She looked concerned at Dean. "Is everything ok?"

Sam smiled at her and said "No I think we are good"

*Yeah the burgers were great as always"

"Hey Ellen," Sam said "I thought you should know Cas will be coming back for a while."

Ellen smiled and Said "Of course I would want to know. I am so glad and will love to see him. When will he be here?"

Sam looked at Dean and said "Monday"

"We missed him so much. I hope he comes here. Is he ok?" She looked at Dean and then faced Sam 

"Yeah its just getting rough where he is so he and Gabriel are coming for a while."

It ll be good to see them , It was good to see you boys too. We all need to get together " Ellen said as she walked, She walked to them and hugged Sam and said to him "dont worry about this. It was on the house." 

"Oh no Ellen thats ok"

She put her finger up at him :"dont backtalk me. I ll see you both soon. Like I said I hope we can all get together soon with Cas. Keep in touch ."

"Yeah, : Sam said "I ll get back to you on that" as he looked at Dean and back to Ellen. 

"BYe Ellen," Dean said "We ll see you soon." 

"You better" she said as she hugged him.


	4. The Moment I Will Never Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Gabriel come back home  
> Its the first time since Cas left and he has to deal with a lot of emotions he didn’t know he would have
> 
> Dean tries to also figure out whether to be angry for lost time or happy to see Cas  
> He has to deal with his hurt feelings that were bittersweet because he doesnt handle them well and can be stubborn 
> 
> Sam has to be a go in between for both because he loves his brother and Cas who he always thought of as a brother  
> He knows what happened to Cas and understands why events happened the way they did but feels hurt also.

Dean and Sam sat at the Roadhouse a bit longer and were both happy to be together. It had been a while because they were both busy with their careers and it didnt leave much time for other things which included seeing each other as much as they want to. 

Sam was working his way up in the law firm and he was still young and one of the newer lawyers there. He knew he wanted to work at this agency due to they took on cases of people who were not always wealthy, some couldnt afford the price of the lawyers that usually was charged. They worked with the homeless or people who didnt make much money or single parent families that just needed help. Sam worked hard to get into this agency for this reason. He wanted to help people and at the same time loved learning and understanding the law and this was perfect for both. He worked hard in school to be the best he could be so he could have a choice of where he wanted to work. He knew from growing up in a single parent family with limited income that it is hard and he wanted to help relieve that for others going through the same thing and those who just couldnt pay the "normal" lawyer fees and expenses. 

He also had a girlfriend, Jessica who he was becoming very close with and they were living together but hardly spent time together themselves. He hated that his time with Dean suffered. Between work, time with Jessica, time with his mother and Dean there just wasnt enough hours in the day. He knew this was only temporary and that it wouldnt always be this way but it seemed like it was taking forever and he hated this part of it . He was starting to get impatient and was trying to think of ways to change his life to make it easier to handle all that’s going on. He has been offered jobs that pay more but are more business and not so people oriented. That is not what he really wants. 

He knew that Dean was going to fight his feelings like he always did. He was the worst about talking to someone about them and usually avoided, ignored or denied them.. Atthe same time, Dean was the most sensitive and sentimental of anyone he knew and took things hard and was very tough on himself. Dean was working at the shop with Bobby. He liked working there and he did some restorations in his off time. Bobby was a second father to Sam and Dean and had been to Cas also. THey both worked hard at the shop and it had been really busy lately and they sometimes worked overtime which meant he didnt have much off time 

He went to bed with a lot on his mind but with the promise that he and Sam would spend more time together when they could He woke up early and made some coffee. He tried to decide if he was going to make breakfast or treat himself to breakfast at a restaurant. He brought out a box from his closet and started looking through it. He looked at his scrapbook and at the stories Cas wrote . Dean saved every one of Cas’ stories that he wrote.He looked through some pictures of them all together. He thought about their times together and felt he shouldnt be thinking this way. It has been 11 years since he actually saw Cas. How can he feel this way after that amount of time? He put the box up back in his closet as he thought about their camping trip they had as young boys with Bobby. 

Dean knew it wasnt Cas fault totally when he disappeared. IT was when they were 16 and they had plans for the weekend and he didnt show up at home. THey were so worried and looked for him that day. Mary and Bobby searched for 2 days till they found out that Naomi had arranged to take Cas to a desensitivity training even though she as much signed her rights to him away because he didnt fit her standard. They fought her and tried to prove she was unfit and she claimed that he was her son and she was going to do whats right for him. When Gabriel found out he was furious. Dean wanted to help but everything had to be done as quietly as possible, Gabriel searched for Cas and after 9 months Gabriel found him, and helped him get away Gabriel knew CHuck who also found out what was being done and offered them both a job Chuck had been trying to start this project and was looking for people to help. It was going to go to Brazil and other counties close by to help with the shelter of people who had no help. Cas and Gabriel gladly accepted THey trained and learned many skills and became great at what they were doing. Soon Cas started writing for a magazine,that CHuck helped him get, about his experiences and Dean has saved all of them. Cas wasnt supposed to be gone so long. Dean hadnt talked to him for a long time but he kept hoping Cas would come back and the years passed. 

——————————————————————————————————————————————-

10 years old 

"Cas hurry get ready', Bobby is going to come for us soon," 

Cas was putting things he needed into a duffle bag to take with him. "Whats camping like, Dean? What do I need to have? Is there any thing special I should do?

"Just take some extra clothes. You dont need a lot. We can share duffle bags, We are going to have so much fun. It will be great. We will sleep in a tent and will eat above a open fire. IT will be near a lake and we can explore . You will love it"

Dean was so full of energy he couldnt stay still. He was running up and down the stairs making sure he had everything. Mary would yell at him to calm down, with a smile on her face. 

Soon Dean heard a knock at the door and he opened the door like if he didnt do it right away Bobby would leave. "Hi Bobby, I m so happy to see you."

"Oh you are," Bobby smiled. "Why is that?" 

"Because we are going camping ." he said with a bigger smile. 

Cas thought this was the best and thought Dean was the most wonderful ever and loved him. He could see Dean was happy and felt happy too but also something else that he couldnt describe

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot," he smiled. " Its not because you are just happy to see me or missed me? "

Of course, silly," Dean gave Bobby a big hug. He only was half the size but he grabbed Bobby around his waste and laughed.

"Oh ok, thats better" Bobby said, "Im going to go talk to your mom. Make sure everyone is ready " 

Bobby was a regular visitor to the family. THey all had several friends who always kept an eye and checked with Mary and made sure everything was ok. A lot of the people in town knew each other and Bobby was one of the closest friends for many years even before John died. He always promised John he would take care of his family and he did with help from other close friends like Ellen. They were as much of a family as any could be. They all loved seeing and being with each other and looked out for each other.

"OK" as he ran back up the stairs. "Come on Cas lets go," as he came into the room they shared. "Bobby is waiting for us. We cant be late."

:How can you be late for camping," Cas said. "Is there a time you have to be there or else you lose the place you can camp? Can you only camp at certain times? Cas was always so full of questions."

Dean just looked at Cas wondering how Cas came up with the things he said but at the same time, he realize how lucky he was to have a friend like Cas that he could show things to and be with. He is never lonely with Cas there. "Oh Cas," he smiled "THere is so much I need to teach you. It’s not going to be late for camping but late for Bobby. He doesnt like to wait. He will leave without us He told me that before."

Dean went running downstairs and found Sam in the kitchen. "Are you ready, Sam?" 

Mary gave Sam a kiss and called Dean over to give him a hug and kiss. They started to walk away before Mary called to Cas "Cas come here . You are not getting away without this and Cas walked over slowly to her and she hugged him tight and gave him a kiss on his cheek. He had never had that and didnt know what he should do "You have a good time on your first camping trip ok?" Cas looked surprise and smiled at her and nodded. At that moment Dean thought he had the greatest mother ever . 

Bobby was driving his old ford pickup truck that he had at his scrapyard that he used as the boys threw their duffles in the back and all scooted into the truck as they started on their way. It took about an hour with a stop in the store to finish up with the supplies that they needed. It was a great day and they were all so excited running around in the store getting snacks to take as Bobby was telling them to stay close. Sam kept chasing after them and laughing as Bobby was acting angry, when he would smile while they werent looking. There was a little grocery store that was in a small part of town they drove through. It didnt have much in the town but the store was definitely a highlight of their drive. As they finished up and Bobby paid, Dean noticed Cas just looking around at the sky and all around. He would look up to the sky and close his eyes like he was enjoying the fresh air and he looked happy. Dean smiled at the picture that he took, sure he would always remember and put his arm around Cas as they walked back to the truck . 

They talked all the way and laughed. Bobby enjoyed time spent with the kids. He loved them and their excitement brought happiness and excitement into his life too. He enjoyed spending time with them and they seemed to enjoy it too. Bobby cared very much for the people important to him and loved doing things for the Winchesters. He never had kids of his own and Dean, Sam and Cas became close to him. Soon they pulled into a area where there was a lot of trees and you could smell the fresh air and here the lake nearby. THe boys all jumped out and before they could start running towards the lake, Bobby yealled at them to stay close so they dont get lost. 

"We are all going to look for a place together," He watched them and looked around and yelled to them "Boys, if any of you get lost I will leave you. I wont go looking for you because you didnt listen to me." Dean and Cas looked at each other and laughed knowing that Bobby would never leave them. 

"Come on Cas as they ran towards the lake that was about 30 feet to get to the lake. Bobby yelled to wait for Sam and Cas slowed down, "Come on Sam." as Sam smiled running down the way. Bobby looked fondly at Cas and said "you are a good brother," Cas smiled widely and was so happy to hear that. He didnt have any younger brothers. He only had older brothers and although he was close to Gabriel, he barely talked to Michael at all. He loved feeling like he was Sam and Deans brother. 

:Hey" Dean said at he was clost to the lake and the others followed and came soon after . Dean looked around and they looked for even ground where they could set up a tent. "I want to do it here. It looks good. THere is plenty of room and the lake is right there. We can set up a fire right here and put the tent over here as he walked to another area, not too far from the fire. THis would be perfect" It was beautiful where they were at, Not only was a big lake there but there was so many tall and beautiful trees and lots of beautiful sky that you could just look up and feel the cool breeze. 

"Are you sure because you cant change your mind, " Bobby asked. Dean nodded and so did Sam. "What do you think, Cas?" He nodded too with a bright smile, while he was looking at Dean. "Ok then lets go get the tent and food. What are you looking at ? You didnt think I would do this by myself, did you? THats why I brought you"

They ran back towards the truck. Cas was in charge of the ice chest. He pulled it towards the camp ground It had wheels on it so it wasnt hard. Bobby took out a large back pack and put it in a cart where they put the parts of the tent along with the sleeping bags. Dean pulled the handle with Bobby walking behind. Sam was in charge of a smaller back pack that had other supplies in it. They ended up in the open ground and everyone worked together. Dean loved this. He couldn’t be happier and he was determined to make sure Cas loved it as much as he did.

"First thing we need to do is put up the tent and then set up the fire." They got all the supplies out and started setting up the tent and putting the stakes in to hold it down to the ground. All the boys were using hammers to pound the stakes in the ground while Bobby supervised. He went over to help Sam who seemed to be doing a good job on it even though he helped a little. Dean got his in quick and went to help Cas. So they got it all set up. It was a good size Tent and had plenty of room.

"Sam, Your job is to set the sleeping bags in there. You dont have to set mine in there but do your three. I will put mine in later. Cas, Dean you need to find some firewood while I set up the fire. I can cut some but see if you can find more and all sizes so we can set it up quickly. As soon as you are done, Sam you can help me set rocks around where we set up the fire to be safe." 

The boys were all excited. Dean and Cas went into the woods together to look for the wood. "This is so great, Cas. We are going to have so much fun. I m so glad you are here." 

Cas looked at Dean as he watched Dean look for wood and pick some up. "I am glad I am here. This is great. I never got to do anything like this before. I love they is being out around the trees and being in the fresh air. I can just be myself." He smiled brightly and started picking up wood, Dean looked at that beautiful smile of Cas and wanted to see it more. They started exploring more and Dean yelled at Cas "over here, Cas There is a lot of sticks and branches. " Cas ran over there and they started picking up wood and heading back to Bobby. Cas loved being here. He loved all of natures music as he called it and he felt like he had never felt before like it was where he could just breathe the fresh air and feel free. He loved being outside and loved exploring and seeing all that he doesnt see often He loved hearing all the birds and all the noises from the branches of the trees blowing. It comforted him and made him happy.

Bobby had the fire pit set up with the rocks around it and he was cutting some wood as the Dean and Cas came back. The fire was set up and Sam was watching it. Look at the fire. Bobby and I set it up and we did a good job as he smiled very proudly. Cas smiled and said "You sure did." Dean said "Good job!" 

Bobby looked at them pointed by the fire and told them to put the firewood over by the fire. He put more firewood there and went into the ice chest and go a sandwich for each of the boys with a soda. :"Here, eat these to hold you over. We will go fishing a little later. " 

"Wow, " Cas said, It is beautiful here. We picked a good place here. 

Bobby looked at him with a smile and said “it sure is. You boys made a great choice. This is better then I could ever pick" THey looked very happy and proud of the accomplishment they did 

Cas couldnt believe it. They were sitting on the ground with the tent set up and a lake not too far away. The lake was so beautiful and the trees so tall as the sky was clear with a beautiful color. IT was so quiet except for their voices and some birds they heard. It was very peaceful. He just stared at the sky and over to the lake like he had never seen it before. It was almost like he can’t at least not like this .

Dean looked over at Cas and saw his face how excited he was. He saw how blue his eyes and thought they matched the lake. He thought they were one of the most beautiful things he ever saw He became so happy watching Cas just admiring where they were and being amazed by it all . "Can we go look at the lake?" Dean said. 

Just stay where i can see you," Bobby said sternly. We need to have everything set up before it gets dark. "Ok" Dean said as all three of them walked over to the lake and looked at it walking by it. It was large to them because they couldnt see where it ended. They sat on a log and just started talking to each other as they looked across it and saw the sun shining on it throwing pebbles to watch the water ripple.

"This is so fun;" Cas said as he looked far away towards the the trees and watched a leaf flying through the air and his eyes followed it as it blew in the breeze.

Dean and Sam smiled as they heard Bobby yelling for them to come back up. Bobby got some fishing poles out and got some bait that he had available. Lets just sit here by the fire and relax a little before we go fishing. We need to make sure that everything is on even ground too. How are you guys doing? Are you enjoying yourselves? Do you like where we picked?" "Yes" they all yelled and started laughing and pushing each other off the log. 

Bobby had three fishing poles that they walked to the lake with. "What if we dont catch any fish?" Dean said. 

"Dont worry," Bobby said "We have some hot dogs we can roast on the fire. He showed them how to set the bait on the line and sat them a little apart from each other. "you have to sit still. Throw that line out there as far into the lake as you can. He walked around each boy. THis is for them so he didnt try to fish for now. He wanted themall to do this themselves. You never seem to be enough time to do things like this and enjoy it and Bobby love doing this with them They waited for a while. Sam couldnt stay still and kept laughing at the water especially when he saw a fish. 

About half a hour later, Cas said "I think i feel a tug. Bobby came over to him with a bucket and said "ok hold still till you are sure. It does look like you have something, Ok he started to pull the line out and sure enough a fish was hooked on. He pulled it out and put it in the pail. "Thats a good one Cas." At that time Dean was getting one too and it was fighting a bit and Bobby pulled that one out. "This is great. We should get nice and full on these, They walked back to the campfire and Bobby put more firewood on the grill and pulled out some corn on the cob with some peppers that he put on the grill "ok we are going to have to clean the fish and scale them. Sam you help me and Dean and Cas you do yours and watch me," They cleaned the fist and Bobby put them in a pan and cooked them just right. He then got plates out and put the vegetables and fish on the plates and they all sat around the fire talking and laughing. Cas thought this was the best time in his life and Dean agreed. They will never forget this time they spent camping. "Did everyone get enough to eat?" Bobby said as he started wrapping up any leftovers. Yes they all yelled. Sam said "I think my stomach might bust I am so full" "Me too" Cas said. "How about you Dean" "I wouldnt say I m full but I guess I m full enough" "Thats not a surprise. You never get full ." Cas said. " Hey I'm growing and I need to be strong when I get older. Thats what mom told me" "Well you sure do like to eat so I m sure there will be no problem with that" Dean started jumping on him as they wrestled around laughing. Bobby smiled as he yelled at them. "Settle down you idjits" 

Before they knew it an hour passed but it didnt seem like it because they were all having so much fun and had a hard time controlling their energy but that is the reason Bobby took them out was so they didnt have to and he wanted to show them a good time. Dean and Sam didnt have a father and Cas had a dysfunctional family that didnt want him to act like a kid It was good he lived with Sam and Dean but Bobby thought about what the future might hold for him. There was just something about Cass like he had a gentle soul and he loved everything and experienced everything like it was his first time . He loved them all like they were sons I knew no matter what happens in the future that they were always going to be in each others lives "ok now we are going to roast some marshmallows as he got some sticks and put marshmallows on them. Theyball roasted marshmallows and ate them and laughed into the night. It was the best night they all had ever. Even Bobby had a great time with the boys and was glad they did this. They sat there and finished up as Bobby cleaned the dishes and took them with him to show them. After they finished. Bobby put everything away as they talked a little more. Sam started falling asleep. "ok its starting to get late and I think its time to go to bed so do what you have to do and then go to bed but dont go far."

They all climbed back into the tent and Sam fell right asleep. "Are you having fun?" Dean asked Cas. "This is the best time in my whole life," Cas said with a huge smile. "I;m glad." Dean said as he admired Cas beauful eyes again that were shining. It was like the stars were shining in them. They both told each other good night and went right to sleep.

Cas thought this was the best time ever and was so happy that he got to do this with Dean. He loved Dean and Sam very much and knew they were happy and was glad that he got to camp with them. He was happy too but also felt something else he didnt know how to describe. He listened to the sounds and fell asleep next to Dean .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to let it again be written that this is truly fictional and any organization or events talked about are just what I wrote. I hope that you enjoy it  
> This is going to be a extra long chapter as it talked about a camping trip  
> I hope its ok


	5. Times Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean prepares to see Cas again and remembers time before  
> Feels a little bitter but tries to let it go 
> 
> He has to come to terms with how he feels and gets help from family

The next morning The boys wake up to see Bobby making breakfast. He has some coffee on the grill for him self and gets some small bottles of orange juice for the boys.  
"Are you hungry" he says brightly to the boys. 

"Yes they all yelled. They were amazed by the beauty of the campground and the sound of the breeze slowly blowing through the trees as the sun rise was showing itself with the rays showing in the sky. The birds singing from the trees and was like beautiful music in the air. Cas was amazed by the natural beauty of the land and said so. Bobby smiled and said, "Yes it is amazing and like nothing else. It is a beauty that not everyone apprecites " He handed Cas a plate and said "Eat up. We will go looking around and will get ready to go back soon so we need to clean up and make sure that it is like before we came. We want to keep this like it was before. Once the land is disturbed and disturbed it cant be repaired. There is nothing like the natural beauty and it cant be replaced.:

The boys finished eating and went to wash the plates. Then they put everything away. Bobby put out the fire by pouring water on it and putting dirt on it to make sure it is completely out. "We have to be safe and make sure there is nothing still burning." Now lets go look around the lake and see more of this. The boys started walking around the lake and Bobby followed behind with a small smile on his face. They ran around and pointed out things to each other and before they realized it two hours had passed as Bobby talked about the land and history of it. Cas was very knowledgeable on the birds as Dean talked about the different animals. They soon came back and started cleaning up and put the tent and sleeping bags away on the cart. Bobby cleaned up and assigned the jobs again to the boys as they walked back up to the truck.

Bobby drove home and they stopped at a diner on the way home to enjoy more time together. "Thank you for this Bobby," Cas said. "This was the best time of my life"  
Dean and Sam thanked Bobby too. Bobby said "I'm glad you had fun. I did too. Maybe we can again," The boys yelled yes and started getting excited and loud. "Alright, alright, settle down before I tie you all down in the truck. I dont want you getting all jumpy and moving around so much. Settle down or I ll go get the ropes." Dean laughed. "Oh Bobby I know you dont mean that but you know what? I will never forget this. It is the best time in my life." Bobby grunted and said "you will have a lot of good times in your life and I am glad this will be one of them. Now hurry up and finish up you idjits so we can get going" with a smile on his face . 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dean smiled as he sat on his bed thinking back to that time fondly and looked at some pictures of them all together. He knew he needed to get going for the weekend and do some errands. He called his mom and said he would stop by during the day soon and spend some time together. She said she would be waiting .

He drove for a while and thought about that camping trip that none of them will forget. It was a great time and there were no worries as they all spent time togethr and one of many times but that will always be very special . After driving for most of the morning he stops by his moms house, She opens the door and gives him a big hug. 

"I m so glad to see you Dean."  
"Me too Mom."

She looks concerned not because he is visiting because they visit periodically but because of the way he looks, like something is on his mind. "Hows everything going, Dean?" She says as she heads to the kitchen. "Want something to eat? " 

"No I m not hungry but do you have some coffee?"

"Sure honey," she gave him a cup of coffee with some cream which he took " How are things going?"

"Nothing much. Just took a long drive today and was trying to clear my mind and thought I would come visit you," He took a drink of the coffee as she looked straight at him. 

"I see,"She said. "Any reason why you are taking that drive. I know you tend to drive when you have a problem you are trying to figure out. Would that be what you are clearing your mind from?" 

She got herself another cup of coffee and sits down next to him and gives him a kiss to his cheek and hugs him. THen she takes his hand with both of her hands and rubs it as he takes a drink of his coffee and leans his head back as he closes his eyes. She starts rubbing his back as she pulls a little closer to him. "Whats going on, Dean? THis wouldnt have anything to do with Cas, would it? I know he is coming back soon." Dean brings his head back up and nods. He opens his eyes and they are watered with unshed tears. "Mom, I dont know how to feel about this, I want to be happy and I m glad he is ok. I really am. At the same time I am angry and sad. It brings up a lot of memories of how I felt and I dont want to think about them. I mean I think I would like to see Cas then I dont want to even get near him. I dont know how I m feeling or how I should be feeling. It is all so mixed up and I just dont know..... I dont know about anything, about how I should feel. I dont want to be mad at him but I am. I am so mixed up ." He looks away and moves his hand over his face. "Dean," She puts her hand up to his cheek. She gets up and goes into the refrigerator and pulls out the pie and gets two plates and puts the pieces to warm up in the microwave and puts whipped cream on them, She walks to the table and puts one plate in front of him, as she sits down. Dean smiles a wide grin "Thanks mom. THis always makes everything better." "Yes it does' She says. She looks up at him and catches his eyes "Dean there is no wrong way to feel. You just feel the way you feel. Whatever may or may not have happened doesnt stop our feelings. As much as you try to hide them or deny them that doesnt stop them. I m not going to tell you how you should feel because thats not my place Dont let anyone make you feel bad about how you feel either. Everyone has to deal with their feelings and they are all as different as the people who feel them." "I know mom but I think I may have made a mistake by not talking to him or keeping in touch. I regret all that time. I dont even know if he will want to talk to me. I know he and Sam talk but we didnt and I am wondering if that was a good decision, I just know how I felt then and it was hurt and I was bitter that it happened:" "We all make our decisions Dean" as she kissed him on the forhead. We all have to live with them the way they lead us. Its in the past and there is nothing you can do about the past. Just think about the present. Everything will be ok " Dean looked at his mom and looked as he cleaned the plates that had the pie and put everything away. Mary walked over to him and they hugged. "Why dont you take me for a ride and when we get back I can make dinner and we can watch a movie." "THat sounds great mom. She went and got a jacket and they headed out the door and took a ride for and drove around and just listened to music as they looked out the windows at all the trees that blew in the breeze. THey have lived here a long time but they never got tired of how beautiful it could be. It was a bit of a warm day with the sun shining brightly in the sky and a few clouds up. THey got out and walked by the lake a bit and just talked about other things like what was going on in their work any plans coming up or just about really nothing. Dean talked about Bobby and his gruff exterior but was always happy when they finished a vehicle and how happy the customers usually were. He always felt proud too on the ones he worked on. Mary talked about her job in the the hospital that was also involved in the public events that the city sponsored like the fireworks show coming up and how they have to make sure the places to watch them are safe and ready to be used. They laughed and talked about anything except what caused them to be tense, namely Cas for Dean. THey returned to Marys house which was also Deans childhood home. It had gone through some changes with some reconstruction to make the bathrooms bigger but for the most part was pretty much the same. The walls still had pictures, which some included Cas . A lot of them were Dean and Sam as children. Some were more recent like their graduations, Sams college days.\ friends like Bobby Ellen Jo There were even some with Sam and Jessica who were getting pretty serious. They watched some old westerns and made some pork chops with mashed potatoes which Dean helped with. He enjoyed cooking with his mother. Dean left about 6 in the evening to go home and get ready to settle in and calm his nerves. He drove back home and turned on the music as he cleaned his house and took a shower. He wanted to keep busy so he has something to do . Tomorrow was Sunday and he will try to talk to Sam. He looked at his house while after he was finished. His kitchen looked great if he said so himself. He loves his kitchen which is not big but has a small island in the middle and is a very light tan color . It has a great stove that he likes to cook but doesnt much because its just him. His living room is a light blue and is very cozy with his TV and green couch with all the small pillows on it which was his mothers idea. There also is a recliner. Its a great place to be when his friends come over to get together. HIs bedroom has the memory foam bed which is amazing and a pine oak dresser and mirror that he helped make. He really enjoyed his evening with his mother. IT helped a lot and improved his mood. He is not going to worry about Cas and whether he will see him or not. It wont bother him either way. It would be nice to see how much he has changed though but Cas may not even want to see him. They havent talked in a really long time and things change. He chuckles when he thinks that they used to think that nothing would ever break them apart and they would be friends forever. Hes going to come Monday, so he is glad he cleaned his house just in case even though he doubted he would come over. He decided to call it a night and go to bed to get a good nights sleep "Dean" "Yeah Cas." "Are you excited about going to high school?" "Yeah Cas. Arent you?" "I dont know, My family is trying to pressue me and they want me to go home. I told them I didnt want to but I figured this would happen when I started going to high school I dont know why they want to talk to me now. They really dont care I dont want to go back, I ve talked to Gabriel and they have given up on him. THey know he wont work at the advertising agency. He has never made that a secret. They dont really want me there. They just want me to go into the company and for appearances. My mother doesnt really care." 

"I know. Mom told me. She said she may have to go to court to continue to be your parent since they havent contacted you in over 2 years now and just are now. SHe said she has several people that will testify on her behalf. Dont worry Cas You wont have to go back."

"I m sort of afraid, Dean. Gabriel will be there to tell about everything that has happened to him if we have to go to court . He is going to tell how he had to get out of the household too but I am really afraid. I know my family and they are not going to be nice at all about this. Thats not who they are. They only care about themselves and what is best for them. They dont really care about us at all. I dont trust them at all I may have to file to be emancipated, "

"Try not to worry Cas. I will be there too and there is no way they will take you away. You are our family now and nothing is going to change that,"

"I am so happy I have lived here Dean and I loved being part of this family. THank you Dean for all you have done IT has meant a lot to me and I love you all,"

"It has been so great Cas. You are part of this family and we all love you. Noone is going to take you away. " 

"Dean will we always be close no matter what happens,"

"Of course Cas. We will always be together no matter what happens. There is a reason why you have lived with us. It was meant to be. I promise nothing will interfere with our relationship. I promise we will always be close."

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dean woke up with a start and realized he was dreaming he put his face in the pillow and started crying. The opposite happened and he promised nothing would interfere. He didnt sleep well all night. The next morning when he looked at the clock and it said 7 he groaned. He wanted to sleep in since it was his day off but waking up almost every hour looking at the clock didtt help so he decided to just get up and make some coffee. He went and took a shower and loves the feel of the hot water on it. It makes him relax as he gets his thoughts in order. 

He thinks about what will happen tomorrow when Cas and Gabe come back, How will he look? Its been a long time, so long. Sometimes it seems like a lifetime and other times it seems like yesterday. How will he act towards Cas or how will Cas act towards him? Will he still have those incredible eyes that were the most beautiful thing he ever saw. He went to his closet and got his scrapbook to look at the last story Cas wrote for the national magazine that specializes in writers around the world. Cas regularly writes for it and his articles are always fantastic. 

He gets a cup of coffee and sets it on his pine table that he made. He is proud of it and it has a real woodsy kind of look. He made it out of some old wood he had. That is one thing he and Cas used to like to do together is making shapes out of wood. It didnt always turn out to be antything but they were pretty proud of it. He started to read the story Cas wrote about the building of shelter and how it made him feel accomplished to help someone who needed it, THere was pictures of children living in old houses that didnt have a roof or even out in tents. He talked about the process of getting something built and how happy they would be. He also talked about the conditions that made it hard and not only from the poor living conditions but also the weather problems and the problems with vandalism and violence. 

Dean got a 2nd cup of coffee and before he realized it it was 9:30. He knew he needed to get away from his house. He put everything away and cleaned his cup and put it away. He went and got dressed, He worse some regular blue jeans and a black teashirt and a long sleeved green plaid shirt and got in the Impala and drove over to Sams that was about 20 minutes away.

Sams house is bigger then Deans. It has a nice green yard and has a 2 level house just like Marys. The yard is not very big but Sam doesnt have time to deal with it anyway. It has bushes that come in front of the porch and has several trees in the front yard that provides shade so it doesnt get too hot. He has a white picket fence (Can you believe it) across the front. 

He walks up To Sams house and Sam opened the door and smiled at Dean. "Hey Dean, What are you up to?"

He walked into Sams living room which was a big room and one step down with a big tv in the middle It had a blue sectional couch and 2 Chairs on the other side. It was very neat partially because Sam is not home much and partly because Jess does a lot of the cleaning. SHe doesnt officially live with Sam but she might as well as much as she is there. 

"We just finished breakfast. Do you want any or maybe some coffee?"

"I'll have some coffee. What are you up to today?"

"Not much Jess and I are going to hang out. Maybe go to the park today,"

Just then A beautiful blond came over and gave Dean a hug. "Hi Dean its so good to see you."

"Hey Jess its good to see you too"

"I ll get you a cup of coffee," Sam said as he went into the kitchen that was bigger then Deans and was a bright room that led to the outside. It had a huge stove that was on one side of the room and the sink had another window above it that looked out into their backyard. There was a huge counter with a lot of cabinet space. It was nice for Sam Dean thought. 

"Have you seen mom lately?"

"Yeah I saw her yesterday "

"Shes really into the fireworks event they are putting on. LIke usual." He then gave Dean the coffee and Dean took a sip and smiled. 

"Do you want to go with us to the park. We always take walk to there on our Sundays. It gets us out and its fun to watch the people at the park."

They grabbed some bottles of water and started to walk out the door through Sams yard and past Deans Impala as they walked towards the park a few blocks away. It was a beautiful sunny morning and perfect to walk in and go to the park. Dean was in a good mood walking with Sam and Jess, as they talked along the way and hearing the beautiful birds singing their songs. 

"It is so pretty out today," Jess said. "It is perfect today."

Both Sam and Dean smiled and both said "It is" together. They walked over to the park with Sam and Jess holding hands. Sam would smile at Jess and then he would turn to Dean with a nervous smile. They walked through the picnic tables and through a trail where people walked through that led all around the park. THere were a lot of families and a lot of kids there and was a lot of activity. 

"So Dean," Sam asked. "I was wondering about something and if you dont want to thats ok but I m going to invite Cas over and if I do would you want to come too? "

"Of couse," Dean said, "I m not sure he would want to talk to me." 

"Dean, he understands "he told me so,"

"Do you talk about me often and why ?"

"No Dean, but he does ask about you. I think mom might ask him over too, We have a lot of catching up to do." 

"I cant wait to meet him from what I hear" Jess said. "He sounds interesting and seems to mean alot."

"He is, very," Dean said. "He always said he wanted to help others and it seems he is in his own way ."

"He is, Dean' Sam said. 

They finished walking through the parks with the grass so green and the tree leaves different colors and everything blooming as the people happy and children laughing. They walked back to Sams and Dean stayed for lunch as Sam and Dean teased each other as they usually do and Jessica laughing so hard she almost cried. Dean loves his family and thinks Jessica is a good addition. He loves that they are all supportive of each other and he and Sam have a relationship so close that he feels it is very special. 

"Well I guess I ll go," after they spent some time outside just talking on their front porch on their outdoor swing and Dean felt renewed and like the day was great and that everything would be ok. It was a nice day and he is glad he made some time to spend it with Sam and Jessica. He got to know Jessica more and feels more at ease knowing he has his brothers support as always but he needs to be reminded. He was feeling a lot easier.

"OK Dean. It was great spending the day with you. I hope we cant do this more. " Sam said .

Jess got up and hugged Dean as Sam did. "It was great, Dean as always," She said. 

Dean smile a big grin. "I agree and thanks to both of you. I had a great time too and yeah Sam. We will do more. I ll see you soon. Cas is coming in tomorrow, isnt he?"

Yes Dean but not sure if we will see him. He and Gabriel might want to rest after the long flight."

"Yes probably, Well talk to you soon." Dean got in his car and took a drive to where they went camping and went to the same location they camped at and sat on the same rock as he walked over to the same place at the lake and walked around. He smiled and cried at the same time and just looked at the beautiful lake and the trees. "Oh Cas, I missed you so much. Its been so long but it was like yesterday." IT took the rest of the afternoon. He got into his car and drove home.

He came into his home about 7 pm and got a beer from the refrigerator and sat and watched some TV and made some dinner. He warmed up some spaghetti he had made the night before.. He sat on the couch and laid on it while he ate and watched some tv. 

"Dean" 

"Yeah Cas" 

"Do you think we will be friends forever" 

"Yeah, Cas We have already been friends 4 years. I do think we will be friends forever and not just friends, Best friends, Why, dont you think we will>"

"I hope so Dean. You have been my friend a long time I love you and Mary and Sam more then my own family and you care about me more then what my family does. I am lucky we found each other. I really hope we will always be friends."

"Cas you are part of the family and always will be no matter what. Its more then friends/" 

"No matter what. Dean"

"No matter what , Cas"

"Thanks Dean. Good night."

"Good night Cas." 

Dean woke up and looked around with the TV on. "Good night Cas. I hope we will be friends again" as he got up turned off the TV and went into his room. He was exhausted. He fell asleep finally trying to clear his mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Letting go of the past and facing the future
> 
> Not Always the easiest thing to do


	6. Moments of  TIme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel and Cas come home. He sees everyone after many years of face to face contact  
> Gabriel watches his brother face his fears and his feelings.  
> He doesnt realize how he will feel when he gets home till he does. 
> 
> Dean doesnt know how to feel when he sees him again  
> He is glad hes ok but still has feelings he doesnt want to deal with
> 
> I am so sorry that this took so long For this chapter I’m not gonna give up the story so anybody who is reading it thank you and I will not give up on it . Its just with all that’s going on right now it’s hard to keep to a regular schedule on it but there will be more chapters and I will keep posting so be patient with me

Cas didnt have a whole lot to pack. He never had too much that he carried around. He knew that doing this was never going to be permanent, although it did last a lot longer then he thought it would. He has spent almost twelve years here and Gabriel stayed by his side. He is lucky he had Gabriel. When Gabriel found out how Cas was taken by his family and forced to endure the strict program his parent put him in to make him the way they wanted, he fought with all he had to get him. His mom and dad said it was for Cas own good. THey didnt want a gay son and they were going to "straighten him out" When Gabriel found out where he was, he had a big blow out and he went and got Cas. They didnt want to let him go but Gabriel went in and got him. 

Cas smiled when he thought about it and is so grateful he did. It couldnt have been easy. Not with his mom and dad and MIchael threatening legal action against him. Gabriel was so brave. Cas was so amazed by his brother and thankful for him. Gabriel threatened legal action back because they had given up custody of Cas to Mary. They said that it didnt matter because they would always be his parents. Naomi told Gabriel she already lost one soon and she want going to allow another one of her sons to do what they wanted and disgrace the family. They blamed Gabriel for Cas and let him know it too. Gabriel had a huge blowout and laughed at them and said that he is ashamed that he is part of a family that would kidnap a son and hurt him to force him to be the way they wanted him. He should be allowed to be the way he is. She glared at him and called him a lost cause and he was no longer her son. “You know what mom” he said. “That’s fine because I can’t believe we are even related. I may not be a genius or anything you are proud of but I know this is wrong and the fact you did this just means you don’t care about either me or Cas. I will never let you get away with this. You never cared for us!” Cas was so broken when Gabriel got him. He went through so much for nine months It seemed like years. Gabe was so shocked at the condition he found Cas

Cas knows he is broken and probably always will be . He doesnt think he will ever be normal from what happened with his family and what he had to go through at the camp they forced him into. He remembered back to the worst time in his life. He was barely sixteen when they came and took him. He was walking home to Marys and Michael and his father with some other men forced him into the car. He couldn’t believe that they would do this. He fought as hard as he could but it seemed to do no good. They took him straight to the camp. His mother was waiting there for him and so was the owner of the camp. Cas doesnt even know what he was, whether he was a preacher of a priest, even though it seemed more like he was a demon who like to torture with no feelings whatsoever as to what he was doing . All he does know is he was cruel, so incredibly cruel. His mother started yelling at him that he needs to think about his family that is by blood first. She also said they were going to make sure he was going to be someone they would be proud of. He was going to work with Michael but first he needed to get all that bad influence out of him. The owner of the camp started praying for hm and they locked hm in a room and tied him to a bed. He’s not even sure of his name. He was crying to his mother to please stop, ”Please stop Mother. How can you do this? How can you hate me this much?” "No Castiel" she said "You are part of this family and as part of this family you are going to follow our rules, not your own. You are not going to be in control. We are, do you hear me Castiel. I think its too late for Gabriel and hes too far gone. You arent and its not too late. You are going to stay here till we say different. Some day you will thank us I do not hate you Castiel That is why we are doing this. " Cas cried, "No mom please dont do this, Dad, Michael Please you know this isnt right . Please dont do this." He cried and tried to struggle. "Goodbye Castiel" Naomi said and walked out. So did Ishim, his father, and Michael looked at Cas as he went out "Im sorry" he said as he walked out with a tear in his eye and hearing Cas crying and screaming as he went out the door. Michael stopped outside the door and heard Cas. “ I m sorry” he said again He leaned against the door and closed his eyes. He nodded his head and cleared his throat and brushed his hand across his face. Then he walked to his mother and father. They got in the car and left. Cas was in there for over nne months. Gabriel came and rescued him It seemed like years to Cas As Cas was finishing up his packing he broke down and fell to the floor and cried and cried till Gabriel came in and found him. He held Cas in his arms till Cas was all cried out. He put his arms around him telling him it was ok, that he was with him now and Gabriel will always be there for him. He rocked him while Cas held on him and just let it all out. "I'm sorry Gabe. I really tried to get over it after all this time but sometimes it still hits me and I dont know what to do. I m sorry" 

"Dont applogize. Its ok I m here for you. What caused this? Is it because we are going back."

"I dont know Gabe, Maybe. It just kind of hit me. Hey I want to thank you for all you have done and for being with me through all this. I m really glad that we got to do this work here even though what happened. I love writing about all the injustice of whats going on here and helping these people. I m glad we got to do it and its because of you. That is the only good thing that came out of this. 

"I m here for you. You are my brother and I m sorry I couldnt get to you sooner but mom and dad wouldnt say anything. I had to get help to find you I wish it was sooner but I got you and I m so sorry Cas. I didn’t do it alone. as you know. We had to get someone to go behind the scenes to find you and that was Chuck. He really helped a lot. Don’t worry about when we get back They will never bother you again. We filed charges and that is on their record now I have made sure that you will never have to deal with them again

"No No Gabe I m so glad you were there for me I know about mom and dad now." He wiped his face and hugged Gabe again and pulled him up. "Lets go I m anxious to see everyone. How long do you think it will be before its safe to come back What am I going to do? I feel so broke ."

"I dont know Cas. I just know we need to leave. Even Chuck recommended we go. He will keep in touch."  
"Ok ' Cas said "lets go to the airport" He got his luggage and walked with Gabriel to the car who was waiting for them to go to the airport.

When they got into Lebanon It had been a long flight with several connections. THey were both exhausted. They soon got their luggage and got a taxi to the hotel. They eent downstairs and get something to eat in the restaurant that is in the hotel. 

So how are you doing Cas, " Gabriel say looking concerned. "Are you going to be ok? It has been a while." 

"Yes, Gabriel I will be fine. It has been a long time and I m sure everything will be fine while we get situated here. Thank you again for always being here I am so lucky 

"Stop thanking me. I am your brother I will always be here for you. Now let’s get to the hotel"

"What would you do if Michael got in touch?"

"Michael made his choice and sided with mom and dad. We have never gotten along and never will "

"Your right. I will never forget how he looked at me and yet he did nothing," 

"Well Its over a long time now. and you will never have to talk to Michael or any of the family again. I thought you were ok about this”

"I know Gabriel and I thought I had was to an extent anyway but now that we are here. I was so happy here, Gabriel. I was part of a beautiful family and I loved it. I wanted to forget about mom and dad and be part of a good family where I was loved for who I was. I wasnt judged or told I wasnt good enough. I was encouraged and really wanted to be part of this family. I had finally become happy for once in my life. I was just a kid but I was really happy. Now that we are here it is all coming up again and I m not sure I cna handle it. "

"I know Cas," He hugged him "I loved coming to visit you. I was happy too being away from mom and dad. I had lived with Chuck who really helped me and it was great to until I was old enough to leave. I was part of the family also with other kids that he helped and we became close I loved coming over to visit you because I could see you were happy. I m sorry Cas for everything, for all you went through and for the lousy parents we had. "

"Its not your fault and you didnt have it easy either. Mom and Dad didnt care. THey just wanted to keep making money and do what they had to do in order to be powerful . They hurt so many people. They didnt even care about the people who worked for them but because they became successful they thought they were above it all. We just were never good enough for them. Thats ok Cas because you know why? Because we are family We always will be and we can get over this I will always be here for you. 

Cas smiled at Gabriel with a look at him full of love " hi I know I m so lucky I have you. You are amazing 

"Yah I am and You are lucky."

Cas smiled at him I m tired Lets go to bed .

Cas wakes up early and desides to go for a run and see parts of the city. It will also relax him because he has been very tense. He doesnt run as much as he wants to He tried but there seemed to be no time where he was. He always had to be careful where he was. He gets in his sweats and goes out from the hotel and takes a jog around a few blocks and sees how everything has changed since hes been gone. There is quite a lot of changes but there are some things that stayed the same too. He ran by the park and back up to the hotel. He was gone about 45 minutes and came back in and took a shower and made coffee in the coffee maker in the hotel. 

As he runs he thinks about the past . He thinks about how lost he was when Gabriel rescued him and they hid out to figure out what to do. Gabriel was lucky he had Chuck Stanley who was very wealthy from his writings and his publishing company that he owned. He started off in construction and his company became very popular and he had the best of people working for him and he had always been interested in trying to develop in other countries housing where it was needed specifically in South America near the rainforest area because it was well known that some of the most vulnerable and poorest people lived in that area. 

THere has been danger for a long time of the Amazon rainforest dwindling in size due to many factors and has only gotten worse. Chuck had been setting up for a long period of time a group of people to do what could be done not only to try to help do what could be done to stop all the harm to the forest but to build up settlements near there with qualified people to continue that and with families that needed housing. It had been something he had been planning and wanting to do for several years and with all the proper documentation and people as well as equipment was finally ready to head up. 

Gabriel stayed for several years with Chuck wh adopted him and saw something special in Gabe . Chuck was a great et foster parent for Gabe and hey developed a great relationship and became close which is why he want d to adopt him Chuck always tried to help people who didn’t have anyone to count on. He was a good man and always tried o give back due to his success. He had developed a group of skilled people who worked and would do the work that needed to be done, They were both professional and people who are willing to learn. 

Gabriel was the one came up with the idea that they go and help because there was word that the Novaks were looking for Gabriel and Cas. Another reason is that it was a great way to get some experience with several types of skills by helping people in different ways. Cas always wanted to do something to help others since he was young, probably because he saw how his family took away from others and also were influenced by living with the Winchesters who were the most unselfish people he could ever learn from.

Cas knows he probably handled everything wrong. Its just that he was so broken at first and when Gabriel asked him about joining Chuck Stanleys venture, he was all for it. He tried to forget what happened and in order to do that he tried to forget everyone and didnt want to be reminded. As time passed, he realized there is no way he will forget. Gabriel had let everyone know that he was. Most everyone were accepting except when he tried to contact Dean. Dean was so hurt and did not even want to talk to him. He understood but he kept trying. Dean would not talk to him so he gave up. Cas kept in touch with Sam mostly and Sam said he understood so that is how he kept in touch. He did call every so often when he could but he wrote too. He also kept in touch with Mary who was such a good person to talk to. He knew he made mistakes and wasnt the smartest the way he handled things but at the time thats what he thought was best and it was the way he thought he could stay sane. The job was another thing that saved him and he is so grateful for that and as he started writing with the contacts CHuck had he got the word out as to what is happening and it made him feel like he was making up for it some how.

So now as he is jogging and trying to control his thoughts and put them in order he is realizing that it feels good to be back. He doesnt know what will happen with Dean but he is so excited to see everyone that made his childhood happy and he loves them all for that. When he came back to the hotel and took a shower, He started making coffee. 

Just at that time the phone rang and as he answered he took a sip of coffee. "Hello"

"Hey Cas how are you? DId you make it alright." 

"Hello Sam. Yes we got in last night. It was a long flight. "

*Yeah I bet. Hey I was just wondering if you would like to have dinner with me and my girlfriend and my mom later tonight. I know it is last minute. "

"Sure Sam where did you want to eat?:

"How about the Roadhouse?" 

"Oh I would love that, Sam I missed that place. Is it ok if I bring Gabriel?"

"Of course Cas. That would be great."

"I m looking forward to it . I missed you all."

"We missed you too Cas. I m looking forward to it too. :

"Well See you later" "Bye Cas" "Hey Cas where were you and who was that" "Hello Gabriel, That was Sam he invited us out tonight." " THis is such a great room we have, You should spend as much time in it as you can " "I went running, I needed some air and did always get the chance in Brazil" "How about some breakfast? We can order in and then go out and look around: "Sound good Gabriel" THe room was a suite. Gabriel slept in one and Cas slept out in the main room. THey had a min refrigerator and several pictures of different places on the wall. THere was a mini kitchenette with a coffee maker on it. It was striped wallpaper of blue and white. It wasnt the best but they have had worse. It was bigger then they were used to. It gave Gabriel a little privacy when they were sleeping. The bathroom was large with a full side bath and shower and a mirror and counter across from the sink that was green granite. When breakfast came it had a assortment of many things. It had pancakes, waffles, fruit. toast, omelets eggs bacon, sausage with juice and coffee. Gabriel and Cas started eating it and 

Gabriel enjoyed the waffles with whipped cream and just made noises and said "Oh I really missed this. "

"Gabe its not like you didnt eat over there. "

"But not this. I missed it I can never get enough of the sweetness of this."

Cas lauged. He felt a different feeling being back in Kansas like somethings been missing but hard to pinpoint. Now that he is here and its almost like a hole in his heart being covered. He doesnt know how long he will stay but he feels not so empty now. He is a little tense about seeing everyone later. He doesnt know how they will react or even how he will react. Is Dean going to be there? Will they ever truly be friends again ?

Gabe started to notice that Cas was getting gloomy. "Hey Cas, go get ready and we ll go look around and see how much things have changed."

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
"Hey Sam whats up?" Dean answered while he was working . He stepped off to the side from working on a car. He was curious why Sam would be calling at this particular time.

"Hi Dean, I was calling to talk to you about something" Sam said. HE sighed and continued "Do you got any plans tonight?" 

"No not really, I was going to just have dinner at home and watch some tv? Why? Got something exciting for a Tuesday night?"

"Well We are going to meet mom at the Roadhouse tonight. Just wanted to see Cas and Gabriel. I wanted to know if you wanted to go?"

"Did they say they were going?"

Yeah, I wanted to see Cas and mom did too. We have talked to me but its been a long time since we saw him, too long,"

Dean stayed quiet for several minutes. It would be nice to see Cas again. How is Cas going to react to him? How will he react? Nervousness hit him and he started to feel naucious. He started to walk to the break room and get some water.

"Dean, You dont have to but I m sure everyone would like you to be there expecially Cas,"

"Do you really think so?"

"Of course. He asks about you every so often and its just to ask how you are"

"OK" Dean said.

"Really? I'm so glad, Im surprised but glad."

Yeah I think its time. I would like to see Cas too."

"I think its time too. I ll see you later I really am glad I know Cas will be too." 

"I hope so. I ll see you later." 

"Bye Dean' "See you later, Sam"

They hung up as Dean took a long drink of water. He looked around the shop. He hoped it would be ok to go. He knows he ignored Cas' calls and letters but he still has them. He was just so hurt about what happened. He knows it wasnt Cas fault but he wishes it could have turned out different but it is the past and its time to try to move on he hopes. He started to get anxious and went to work to keep his mind busy. 

Before he knew it, it was time to get off. He texted Sam to see what time they would be there and cleaned up his tools. He went to the break room which was a modest size. There was only 4 of them that worked most of the time so they didnt need anything big. He got ready to go and Bobby stopped him. "Dean are you ok? You seem preoccupied."

"Im fine. I m a little nervous. Cas is in town and Sam Jessica and mom are going to meet him at the Roadhouse."

"Are you ok about that?"

"Yeah Bobby, just a little nervous. Do you want to come? I m sure Cas would like to see you. "

"it would be nice to see him. I miss that kid. I used to see you both around each other all the time. I guess that figures He lived over there." 

"Why dont you go? I know mom is planning a get together on Friday too. There will be more information about that. Come on Bobby just go. I already texted Sam and told him I told you about it 

Ok I guess it wont hurt I just got to go home and clean up. What time are they going to be there?

"Sam said seven. I m going to go home and clean up to and take a shower so I ll see you there."

"ok Dean and Dean, Dont worry it will be ok"

"I know Bobby. Its just been a long time."

"Yeah well we are family no matter the time and you know what I always say "

"Yeah Bobby I know. Family dont end with Blood."

"thats right. Look at all of us" as he put the closed sign up and they walked out together saying bye to each other 

I=


	7. Dealing WIth the Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets up with the family at the Roadhouse and sees Cas  
> He deals with his feelings of how he felt for him in the past and how he feels for him now.
> 
> Cas sees Dean and all his memories from before flood his mind.  
> He doesnt want to make the wrong move  
> He gets support from family and friends

Cas and Gabriel returned back to the hotel room after being out all day seeing all of Lawrence. Cas felt melancholy about it because he really missed it. Its one thing when you leave it to go somewhere else but when you are forced to it is a bit heartbreaking like somethings missing . He realizes he probably would still have been here doing something creative like writing. He enjoys writing very much and even though it is tough in Brazil to see the people but he thinks he is doing good by writing about them and letting everyone know about the hardships. Maybe if nothing else he can say that this made him realize how much he enjoyed writing. 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
"Do you think we will always be friends, Dean;"

"Of course we will, Always"

"but how do you know, Dean?"

"I know, Cas, Dont you think we will always be friends?"

"I hope so I really do. You are so great, I love you like noone else THank you for helping me always Dean? I m so lucky "

"No Problem, Cas You are very welcome. Whats with this chick flick moment? Whats up?"

"I dont know I m feeling a little down. Im worried about my family. They have been too quiet. It worries me like they are up to something. "

"Isnt that a good thing? Dont worry Cas We will always be friends. Are you done now? SHould we go drink tea now and have crumpets. Maybe we can talk about what we are going to wear and gossip. Maybe we can talk about our makeup and the newest fashion."

"Alright, Dean Ok I will stop We will be friends forever. You are so funny "

"You Bet we will. Don’t worry. We won’t ley anyone or anything get in the way of our friendship. Come on. Lets try to scare Sammy and make him jump. THen we can go and watch a movie with some popcorn.:

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Cas smiled and while he was looking for what he was going to wear tonight. Quietly he said, "Oh Dean I hope we can be friends again." He smiled to himself and nodded.

"Hey what are you smiling about "Gabriel said as he came out of the bathroom after taking a shower. He looked pretty good. He was wearing some light blue jeans with a button up red shirt. He looked seriously at Cas then the look disappeared as fast as it came on. He started laughing as he went to the mini fridge that was in the room and got a beer out, "So whats up?"

Nothing, just remebering something about when me and Dean were kids. I m impressed. You actually look good and combed your hair. Wow"

Gabe laughed, "Yeah laugh it off Mr bedhead, I ll have you know I always look good. "

Cas laughed, " Yeah ok Go ahead and thiink that. " He hid his smile as he got a black pair of jeans, with a dark blue button up shirt and headed towards the bathroom to take a shower. Gabe Scoffed and turned the other way. When Cas shut the door, he leaned against the sink and took some deep breaths and looked in the mirror staring at himself for a few minutes. ' I dont know if I can do this. Just breathe and take it easy. It will only be a few hours. You can do this.' He turned on the shower to hot so he could feel the wamth of the water.

Dean had just come out of the shower, He was a little fidgety as he put on some cologne, washed his face and shaved. He walked to his closet and got out a pair of dark blue jeans with a black t-shirt and green shirt over it. He got a glass of water and drank it and got dresssed as he looked at himself in the mirror as he pulled out a old picture of Him and Cas when they were boys smiling and their arms around each other. He looked at the time and saw that it was 6:45 He has some music that was playing to ease his tension. He texted Sam to ask what time they expected to be there.

A text came back right away that they were leaving then and was going to pick up Mary on the way and should be there right at seven.

Dean turned off his music and got his keys and wallet. He looked around his house felt a little melancholy because he wasnt sure if he should feel that way. He hasnt seen Cas face to face in 11 years. He wondered how he changed and how he sounded. Does he still have those beautiful eyes? How would he feel about seeing me? Well, he thought I guess now is as good of a time as any. He could hear his footsteps on the wooden floor and thought it was funny to notice that. He doesnt usually think of that. He grabbed his jacket and walked out the door and locked it. Looked at his car as he got in it and smiled as he started her up and headed towards the Roadhouse.

Once he got there he drove around the block and came back to the parking lot and saw Sams car there. He put his head on the steering wheel as ah already had gripped it. He raised hi head and looked at the Roadhouse and laid his head on the headrest and closed his eyes. He heard his breaths start increasing so he tried to take deep breaths. A tear rolled down his cheek which surprised him. ‘Get it together, man. Let’s do this’ He got out and went in and saw Sam right away at the end at a long table sitting with Jessica and Mary. THey were so beautiful Dean thought. Jess was in a beautiful red dress with sandals and her hair pulled back. Mary was in black slacks and a purple button up blouse and in high heels. He started to walk over there and saw Ellen at the table talking to them and asked for drink orders. She smiled when she saw Dean and came and hugged him. He walked up and said hi to everyone and gave his mother a huge hug and she kissed his cheek, Jess jumped up and gave him a hug.

"Dean. So glad to see you. You are looking good," she said.

"HI Jess and you are beautiful as always."

Jess smiled and looked at Sam as he walked over to give Dean a hug too. Sam was looking good in a tan pair of jeans with a black shirt and Dean could smell his cologne as they sat down.

"What will you have " Ellen said.

"I ll have a beer. Thanks Ellen. "

"You got it" She said as she walked to the bar.

"So hows it going?" Dean asked .

"Things are going pretty smoothly for the city wide July 4 th celebration. A lot of things are planned." Mary said, "THis year is going to be really great and a little different because we are getting everyone involved especially the businesses that will be open and there will be sidewalk sales. It is a way to improve the attitude of the people and help the businesses as well as the city as a whole."

"That sounds great mom. I’m sure it will be fantastic " Sam said with a big smile.

Jessica said in her cheery attitude, "I am so excited and looking so forward to it. IT will be so much fun."

p>Just at that moment Bobby walked in and waved to Dean as he came up to hug Mary. He hugged Sam next and smiled at Jessica as she jumped in his arms and gave him a warm hug. "I m so glad to see you again, Bobby" She said with a huge smile.

Ellen came with a mug of beer and handed it to Bobby. "You know me so well, Ellen" She smiled at him and said "yes I do "

"Good to see you all' They were all happy to each other and started laughing and talking. Jo and Ellen would join but take off as a order was out or a table needed to be cleeaned. The people were increasing and everyone was excited. Dean started relaxing even though he knew he was a little tense about seeing Cas. Whenever he is with his family, he is better and is glad he will be with his family the first time he sees Cas again.

Mary said "It sure will be good to see Cas and Gabriel again. "I really missed them."

Sam looked at the table at his hands and looked up to Dean and Mary "Yes it will be. Its been a while. Its different when you talk to someone and then actually am face to face Cas is special He will always be part of the family. I m so glad he had Gabriel.

Bobby looked over towards ech one. "I have to say I grew fond of that boy too."

Dean kept looking at the door and about the hundredth time he looked Cas and Gabriel walked in and looked around. Cas looked tense. Everyone looked at the same time and Sam got up and walked to the door and started talking to Cas for a few minutes and they soon hugged for a long time. As they both pulled away they both were teary eyed. "Its good to see you Cas Im so glad you came." Then he hugged Gabriel "Hey good to see you, How are you doing?" Gabriel smiled at Sam and looked emotional at the interaction of Cas and Sam. "I m doing ok, Sam. I m happy to see you too. " He gave a flirty look. "You know me. I will always be ok." Cas looked at him and Gabriel smiled at him with a hand to his shoulder and Cas wiped his hand across his face. He looked down at the floor and shook himself and looked at Sam with a smile as Sam smiled back at him just as shook. He smiled and looked up. "We are just over there. They all want to see you. Follow me" as his voice cracked and he led the way with Cas and Gabriel close behind. Cas looked back at Gabriel, who smiled at him. He stopped for a second as Gabriel stopped and looked at him with his hand on Cas shoulder. He nodded and they started walking to the table. Before they got half way across Mary grabbed Cas and hugged him not hiding that she was crying. She was so happy to see Cas after so many years and as he put his arms around her he felt the same. Here was the woman who he considered his true mother, who took care of him, who allowed him to live at her house with her boys who considered him one of her boys and treated him the same. He always wished she was his mother and as she was crying in his arms, he looked over her shoulders at the table Sam and Gabriel were walking to and looked at who was there. They both held each other tight and both crying and laughing at the same time. "Oh Cas I m so happy to see you. It has been so long. We have talked on the phone and by letters and on the computer but it is never the same as seeing you and having you in my arms. You are one of my boys and something was always missing with you gone. I dont even have the words to describe the feeling I have,” as she started wiping her eyes." She looked at him again and hugged him again as he laughed nervously. I am so glad to see you too Mary. I agree with everything you said. It is better to be with each other. I couldnt agree more with everything that you just said He sniffed and hugged her again. I seem to be repeating myself and dont have the right words either so you are not alone there." He closed his eyes as they hugged again a third time.6 As Sam and Gabriel walked over to the table, Bobby grabbed him and said "Its good to see you Gabe. How are you doing?" He pulled away and Gabriel smiled and said "i'm ok. We both are" as they looked at each other and looked back at Cas with Mary.

Bobby took another look at Gabe and said "How is he doing? I know you said before he was having a tough time. " He looked in Gabes eyes and put his hand on Gabes shoulder as he looked back at Cas and then looked at Dean. He then looked at Gabe with his full attention on him. 

Gabriel looked back at him and looked around at the table and looked straight at Dean. "He was and still is sometimes but hes hanging in there and is doing ok. Theres ups and downs but there is with all of us. He worked so hard over there to try to overcome it but now after all this time its still a struggle. He will be ok though. I know he will"

Bobby smiled at him. "I know he will too. Hes strong and he has you and you both are strong. We are here for both of you anytime. Dont you forget that"

Gabriel smiled and nodded. Sam grabbed Gabriels arm and he led Gabriel to a seat as Jessica got up and smiled as Sam said "Gabe, THis is my girlfriend Jessica. Jessica, this is Gabriel, Cas brother."

"Hello Gabe, its really nice to meet you." She hugged him when he started to grab her hand to shake it .

"It is my pleasure to meet you too Jessica. Sam is a very lucky man to have someone as beautiful as you as his girlfriend. You light up this whole room"

She laughed and said "Thank you That is very nice of you to say that."

"I m not just saying it It is very true." HE winked at her as he made sure Sam was looking at him to tease him and also winked at Sam with a smile.

Sam narrowed his eyes and said "Alright, cut it out now Gabe.'

Jo and Ellen walked up after seeing the interactions. Jo walked up to Gabriel and said Hi Gabriel. Whats shaking" as they looked at each other.

Gabriel looked at her in shock. "No it cant be. THis cant be Jo, the little girl who used to chase away all the boys. No it cant be." Gabriel said very dramatically. "Where is that little girl who used to hit as hard as the boys? I remember having a sore arm for a week. "

"Oh believe me that hasnt changed. I m still here Do you want me to show you?"'

Ellen said "oh yeah she is and still chases the boys away and punches them as hard" as she grabbed Gabriel and hugged him. Jo hit her mother softly "I m so glad to see you Gabe. It sure has been a long time. I want you to know that we were always behind both of you and are always here for you."

"Thank you Ellen for saying that. It wasnt ideal what happened. We felt it had to be the way it was so noone else would be caught up in the turmoil that was happening in the family and we had to decide quickly and felt that what we did was the best choice for everyone including Cas."

"I know Gabe but we are all family and we could and would have figured something out and dont ever forget that. We are all family and we will always support each other. That is what family is "

"Thank you Ellen and believe me Cas loves you all. He always talked about you all and thinks of you as his family."

Ellen smiled and said "He is and always will be and so are you" as she smiles at him.

Dean was sitting at their table and was so caught up in the emotion of what was happening with everyone with Gabriel. He started to get up but looked over at Cas who was still standing with Mary talking and their eyes caught each other. His eyes was watery and there were tears coming out as he smiled at Mary had her hands on his face, as she kept talking to him and hugging him like she didnt want to let him go or share him. Dean had caught his breath when Cas had come in and just stared at him as he said "Oh Cas " to himself. He was beautiful. Of course he grew up but it was more then that. He filled out and it was obvious he was muscular but there was something in his face, almost like a wiseness that he has developed but at the same time there was still something stored up inside. He just stared at Cas as all his feelings he had before just came to the surface. He panicked for a minute and didnt know what to do but he saw Cas' eyes and that was something that didnt change. THey were as beautiful as ever and he was amazed by them. Its not that he forgot how they looked much emotion was in them. His breath caught in his throat. 

He walked up to Gabriel who turned towards Dean and they stood for a minute and both nodded at each other and grabbed each other. "Its good to see you Dean"  
Dean hugged Gabriel very tightly and said "Good to see you too. Thank you for taking care of him."  
"Of course Dean." Gabe said . "Hes my younger brother and you know being a big brother that we will always do what we have to for our younger brother." He looked straight at Dean like they had a uspoken message said. Dean nodded and smiled as he said "Yes Gabe we will always take care of our brothers and that includes both of you." He hugged Gabriel again.

Mary and Cas was still talking and started walking back to the table as everyone waited for Cas to come over to the table. Dean couldnt think or act watching Cas walk up. He knew it would affect him but he is surprised how it is making him feel. He was just so bitter for so long and its like he needs to get rid of that. He was so angry that Cas left and had decided that was the best move but also that he stayed there so long. Dean knows everything that happened and nothing was held back from him but he was so angry he really had no say in it or even asked. That is the past, he tells himself and now is the present. Cas is right here now and we just have to see what happens now. He was trying to calm himself down before Cas reached the table but it was harder then he thought it would be.

"Mom" Sam said' We all want to talk to him. Stop stealing him for yourself' as everyone laughed.  
"He is one of my boys. I missed him so much. I dont want to give him up now that hes here but ok" she said with a disappointed tone. She smiled and let go .

Dean smiled and understood what she meant as he looked at Cas who was smiling that wide smile of his. It just was better then ever. He thought of Cas when they were younger and that gummy smile that just lit up everything. Now he sees that smile and it only got better. His heart felt lighter and the room brightened with that smile. 

Cas walked over to Sam as he signaled for him to come over and put his hand on Cas arm, as he introduced Jessica to him. She hugged him as he said "Hello Jessica I am so happy to meet you."

"Sam has told me so much about you and I m so happy to meet his brother that I never met. I am so glad to finally meet you. I hope we will see each other a lot "

A tear fell out of his eye again as he looked at Sam who put his arm on Cas shoulder and squeezed it and they both nodded at each other.

Before he knew it Jo jumped into his arms and he laughed as it caught him by surprise and he stumbled. SHe then slugged him and he rubbed his arm and looked at her. "Good to see you" She said and smiled. "You look good. Dont ever do that again and make us worry about you" "I 'm almost afraid to say anything now. I dont want to say the wrong thing" He smiled at her as she nodded and said "thats right and dont forget that."

Ellen came up to him and gave him a huge hug and said "Good to see you, boy I missed you so much. Dont you ever stay that long away again. Like I told Gabe you have me here and we all will do anything we need to for you. I love you Cas. We always will be here for you and behind you"

"YOu guys are killing me." Cas said as he started crying again. "Stop it now" He tried to smile but wiped his eyes as he looked back at Ellen

"Never' she said. "Never" she hugged him again.  
"well I guess I m next" Bobby said as he grabbed Cas and put his hand on his shoulder as he looked at Cas who started to feel nervous as Bobby patted his cheek and hugged him with his strong hug that squeezed him tightly but Cas didnt mind. He hugged back just as tightly. He had a very special relationship with Bobby as a father figure but as someone to talk to and many moments together. Bobby acts so tough but was always there and always knew when Cas needed to talk sometimes even before Cas knew.

"I m so glad you are back son."

Cas sniffled as he held tighter to Bobby. "Thank you I am too." His voice cracked as he fell slightly as Bobby held him tight. He sniffled again. "I missed you so much"

Bobby sniffled and said "Yeah yeah" as they pulled away. Bobby held on to Cas cheek with his hand and looked straight into Cas eyes and backed up.

Dean stood in front of Cas and they just stood looking at each other.. Dean could see the tear streaks and unshed tears in Cas eyes. Dean couldnt believe he was standing in front of Cas after all the times he thought about this moment of seeing Cas again. All he could think is how amazing Cas' eyes still are. He could get lost in them. They are still the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. He thought they were great before but being so close and in front of him there are just no words to describe it. Its not even the ocean or sky. It is a color that is unique and undescribeable , He caught his breath as they stood close just staring at each other both with tears in their eyes. Cas started to breathe hard and just stared at Dean and looking at those gold specks in his green eyes. He didnt know what to say. It was like there was nothing that needed to be said but they were still communicating in their own way. This is his best friend that he trusted totally with everything when he was young. He told him everything and he was always there for him. The one who supported him and listened to him and never criticized him or put him down intentionally. He realizes that the tear in his heart is starting to mend. He remembered them running around together all over whether it was just in their yard or at school or around town. He remembered the trouble they used to get in. He remembered everything like it was yesterday. He smiled at Dean and said "Hello Dean.” Dean caught his breath and gasped when he saw the smile and heard Cas voice. It did something to him. He doesn’t know what to do and his mind goes blank for a moment . HIs voice barely started changing the last time he saw him and now it was so deep that it almost startled him. "Hi Cas" and he grabbed Cas and hugged him so tight and never wanting to let him go. This was the best feeling he has ever felt and it shocked him that he would feel this strongly He held on as if Cas was his lifeline. They stood there for several minutes in each others arms just holding each other letting their tears flow as they both became visibly shaken. Everyone else started sitting down at the table and left them alone for a few minutes. Ellen started asking everyone if they needed any drinks or appetizers. Gabriel said he would like a brandy. Mary mentioned iced tea. Sam and Bobby took another beer Jessica said she was ok. THere was nachos and wings ordered. Amongst all the talking Dean forgot that there was anything else going on. He was trapped in this moment and wished it was longer, until the music started and they both pulled away smiling with tears streaming down their faces. They both looked around and Cas went to sit down between Mary and Gabriel. Dean went to sit on the other side of Sam and Bobby. Gabriel put his hand on Cas shoulder and nodded as they looked at each other. Cas looked down and looked up at Gabe and nodded. Jo came and brought the drinks and came over to Dean and asked him quietly how he was. She put her hand on his shoulder as he looked and smiled at her and told her he would take another beer. She nodded and left to get it for him. Dean and Cas were sitting across from each other and looked at each other again with a slight smile at each other. Mary pulled Cas over at her and gave him a squeeze. They started all talking about whats been going on in all of their lives. Ellen came and brought the nachos and wings with 2 supreme pizzas. Jo came and sat at the table to join in Everyone talked about what they did and all the changes that has happened. Mary talked about her job and the events that she plans with the city and hospital with public relations for city sponsored events. She was la business manager of sorts from the hospital and worked with the city tourism department SHe talked about the events for the July 4 that included a huge picnic before the fireworks that included the stores with sidewalk sales but the whole city is going to close early for the fireworks so everyone can enjoy it. SHe expected this to be the biggest event yet. Everyone was excited about the plans and all planned to be there. Mary was so happy sitting next to Cas and included him in all the conversations. He was a little quiet but smiled a lot and laughed at the teasing that Dean and Sam talked about and the things they all did together. Sam talked about his job that was like legal aide where they tried to help people who got thrown out of their apartments or lost their job or anyone who couldnt normally pay the high price lawyers. Sam had a chance to go with a good law firm but refused to do this work. Jessica was proud of him and talked about her job at the craft shop that had an assorment of things for any hobby or creative aspect that anyone wanted to do., SHe loved it and had her own ideas about it.

Gabriel talked about working in Brazil with Cas. He talked about the danger to the Amazon Rainforest and how there is so much that is ruining it due to many factors like the destroying of it mostly by man who tries to cut so many trees down without replacing. There also is rumor about burning the forest to make room for development and housing that doesnt need to be done in those areas. The government is not trying to save it by protecting it. He told them about Chuck Stuckey who is a millionaire who has made a lot of money from writing, most famously known about books about two brothers fighting monsters with their angel friend to save humanity. He is famous and had money on his own too but wanted to give back so developed a team of everyone he needed like architects, medical personnel. any one who can help with building housing and schools for people who are affected by weather conditions that have lost homes. Most of the people cannot afford the housing due to they live in impoverished areas.

Dean listened closely but what really caught his attention and everyone elses is when Gabriel started talking about the dangers especially from militants who tried to destroy what they have done because it is in the way not something they control. Cas sat up straight and tried to stop Gabriel as everyone stared at them.

"Gabriel stop." Cas said.

"Wait a minute." Sam said. "Cas why did you work there for so long if you were in danger of your life?"

"Because those people needed help and had noone there to help them. Thats why I did it and thats what CHuck tried to do. He had his own group of people that was proficient in all areas. His strategy was to help people one group at a time but there was so much that needed to be done so we stayed there way longer then planned. It was supposed to be in different areas but those people have no help so it ended up staying more style in Brazil in that area'

"thats very admirable." Bobby said. "Its good that you are out of there now. You got out and are safe here now and dont have to go back."

Gabriel said," Its took a lot to get Cas out. He wouldnt leave. Chuck had to order him out and Chuck had people telling him its for the best. THey had to pull a lot of people out. Its all I could do to get Cas out. PLease help me to convince Cas not to go back. He wants to go back."

Deans eyes widened and said loudly. "What? you cant. What are you thinking/" as he stared intently at Cas.

Cas yelled "Gabriel stop now !" He looked at Dean and then looked down as everyone was speaking at the same time to him.

Mary grabbed his hand and hugged him. "We just got you back after so long. Please dont go back. We want you safe and want to have you with us. You left not by your choice and have been gone 12 years. I understand that you want to help. I do. You always said since you were young how you wanted to help others but please you need to stay with us. Do you know what we felt not having you here even after all this time .“

Sam jumped in and said "Cas, man I understand. We have talked to you but its not the same thing. You are here now safe You are part of our family and always have been. You can help the people from here. There are so many ways to do it. I can check with my firm who does help a lot of people that come from there and we can find ways to help. A lot of our work is pro bono. Dont be hasty and make a wrong decision because you want to help."

Dean looked at Cas and wanted to grab him so badly. "Cas. please tell us you are not considering that. There is not good communication there and there are times that noone knew whether you were alive or dead. Not to be selfish but that was the hardest thing and what would happen if something did happen to you? That happened once and it was the worst time ever and you have been gone so long. I cant even describe the feelings of what it feels like not to know." His eyes had unshed tears as he looked at Cas and decided then and there that he would do what he could to convince Cas and that he will spend time with him to get close again no matter what he had to do. He is not going to let himself lose touch. He didnt know how he would feel before he saw Cas but now that he has and as he looks into those intense blue eyes that he used to look at so many years ago, he feels something that he never thought he would feel again. Cas is a man now and looks older from when he knew him before but he is as beautiful as he was then and he just wants to grab him and hold him. He knows it is silly to feel that way but now that he does he will do what he has to to make sure he doesn t lose him again. He doesnt know if he wants something to come out of this but he knows that there is something special he feels and hes not sure what it is. He decided that it was probably due to how close they were as kids and now they are back but he doesn’t really know . He wanted to think on that but one thing he knows is he doesnt want to lose him again.

He thought he would still be mad at him but now that he sees him again its like the affection and love he felt before had come back. He looks at Cas who stares back. Cas then looks away as Sam starts talking to him about a case hes on that is a agricultural issue about some land that some people are protesting due to a company wants to build office buildings and homes on it. The protesters want them to leave it the way it is as natural as possible. There is a protest rally on Thursday.. Cas was very interested and asked Sam for information on who would be involved and how he could contact them.

"Why doesnt people understand that this land is not going to last forever. That we have to do what we can to save or we will lose it. Once its gone and built on it can never be developed again in the same way. The plant life, not to mention the animals are disrupted and will never come back. SPeaking of the animals they are moved...."

"Alright" Mary says. Thats enough talk about work. We are supposed to be having a good time and enjoying ourselves. Soon the music is going to start and I want the first dance with my son who I havent seen in a long time."She takes his hand and pulls him up and they head out to the dance floor. 

Cas blushes and smiles. "Thank you Mary."

Gabriel squeezes his shoulder. "I told you everything would be ok. I told you they would miss you and accept you and you had nothing to worry about"

Cas glared at Gabe as eveyone looked shocked at Cas and Gabe. Gabe realized he should nt have said what he did after seeing the faces of everyone.


	8. Actions We Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas tries to figure out their feelings about and for each other. 
> 
> Cas comes to terms with being back at the place he grew up with both good and bad memories 
> 
> Gabe makes friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try and post more regularly. I will try to get a chapter out every Sunday 
> 
> Just had life get in the way
> 
> Thank you for reading. IT is special to me and I hope you like it

"Cas you dont believe that, do you?" Sam asked. 

"Cas" Mary said. "You were like a son to me. I loved you and will never stop.You live with us for six years and grew up with Dean and Sam. You were part of our family. I cant describe what it was like when you disappeared and was gone. It was like a part of my heart was missing. Seeing you now has brought back to me a part that was missing." Tears came out of her eyes and she hugged Cas and squeeze him tight. 

He was surprised and shocked at her words. Its not that he didnt think they were close because he knew they were. He spent part of childhood with them. Its just that he never thought of it that way. He knew how he felt and he knew it affected them but he didnt know how much. Mary was the mother he really never had. SHe was more of a mother to him then his own mother was. She never wanted him to be anything he wasnt and he realized how much he loved her. She let him live with them and wanted to adopt him 

Sam came over and leaned over and hugged Cas. He also stooped down so he could be even with him and look in his eyes. "Cas, you remember when we would just talk about all the animals and the trees. Remember the walks we would go and enjoy being out and all that we talked about I remember all the books we used to read and talk about and when you helped me with my homework. That meant a lot to me. You didnt have to let me hang out with you but you did. I was just a little kid following you around and probaby a pest but you never made me feel that way You were a big brother to me like Dean is. You are just as much a part of me as Dean and mom and you have made me the man I am today , just as much as Dean and mom have. You have to know how we feel about you and I hope you never feel that we feel any less for you because of what has happened in the past." He squeezed his shoulder as Cas gave him another hug. 

Tears started falling and he became emotional. He needed to get away or he would break down. "Thank you. I feel the same more then you know. If you would excuse me for a minute I will be back." He got up quickly and went towards the bathroom.

"Hey Gabe" Sam looked over as he watched Cas leave, "Does Cas really think that? He should know better then that. I mean we havent kept in touch as much as I would have liked but I did talk to you both while you were there and i told him we never blamed him for anything."

"I dont understand either" Mary said. "That couldnt be the farthest from the truth. Did we do something to make him think we dont think highly or him or that we wouldnt want to see him." She looked so upset like she was going to cry.

Dean looked down to his lap feeling guilty because he didnt talk to Cas while he was there. He was angry with himself because he was too selfish and only thought about he felt when Cas was gone. He never took into consideration how Cas felt or anyone else either. He was felt dry low because he was felt so lost and unwittingly became bitter but he didnt realize that everyone else was just as hurt. Everyone at this table loves Cas and he hopes that Cas realizes that. 

Gabe looked in the direction Cas went and looked at everyone. He knew everyone was concerned and it showed. He knew Cas was lucky to have so many people who loved him. "You dont understand" he said. "It is not anything that any of you did. When I got Cas out of the place my parents put him in to try and "get the bad out " as Gabe used the quote signs which made Dean smile because Cas does that. The next words took the smile right off. "Cas was so broken. He was there for 9 months and from in there that is a long time as people are yelling at you that the person you are is evil. There are stories he told me that were meant to break him and they almost did. He wouldnt talk for a long time. I wasnt sure what to do at first. They really did a job on him and made him doubt himself and think something is wrong with him. To this day he still fills that and has had a lot from his mind to overcome. I have tried to support him and let him know that all of that he went through was all meant to try and make him something hes not. They call that brainwashing and that is the word alright. They tried to make him believe it was his fault like he did something to deserve it Imagine how that is everyday several times a day stuck in there and unable to get out" 

He quieted down and looked up to the ceiling. "The things they did to him was horrible and all to make him admit what he felt was wrong. I wont tell you what I know because its not my story to tell. There are even things he hasnt told me about it. What I will tell you, he wasnt the same person when he came out. I struggled so hard to find him and I have to say it wasnt the most honorable of things but I did to find him. I knew something was wrong and I was willing to do anything to find him. Even now after so long I still see him phase out and I see that same look in his eyes that I did when I found him. It scares me and worries me." Bobby spoke up and said "Hey Gabriel whatever you had to do to get him was worth it and it worked and you got him out of there and rescued him. You saved him so dont explain yourself to us because we do not judge you at all and it was worth it because you got him. Any of us would do it too.:" :Absolutely" Sam said. "Thank God you did do it because who knows what would have happened otherwise. You did right " "Thank you for doing what you did." Mary said. Dean caught Gabes eye and nodded to him with a smile. Gabe smiled back. Ellen had overheard what was being said and saw Cas walking back as she said "Next rounds on the house." Everyone cheered. Cas came over and sat down as he looked around and smiled. Mary grabbed his hand and squeezed. " We need to do this again. I m inviting everyone over to my place Friday night. We will cook some burgers and just relax and enjoy each others company with some music or television. We'll do some old fashioned home cooking." Gabriel spoke loudly and said "THat would be great! I have missed a lot of foods I used to eat and have dreamed about it.' "Sure Gabe, any requests" Mary said. "Anything" Gabe said. "Its been so long since I ve eaten home cooking here." 

P

The conversation turned lighter and everyone enjoyed themselves as they all talked. Ellen came and sat with them while both her and Jo took turns serving the customers. They all laughed a lot as they drank more but there was an assortment of food that came out too and more pizza. Mary continued to drink tea and Sam and Jess slowed down. THere was still work. Dean knew his boss was there so as long as Bobby was drinking he knew he was ok. 

He and Cas kept catching each others eye without talking directly to each other. Dean talked to Gabe more then he did Cas but it didnt stop them looking at each other. Dean was feeling more relaxed and becoming more talkative and it seemed like Cas was smiling more 

Cas was for the first time in a long time feeling a little more relaxed, He really missed everyone and is so grateful he is here to see everyone again. THis was a perfect night and everything went better then he expected it to. He really needed this. Soon everyone started winding down and Bobby got up. " I guess I m going to go now. I m not like you youngsters anymore with the late nights. I ll see you tomorrow Dean. It is so good to see you Gabe." as he hugged him. "If either of you need anything you let me know. I mean it. Do you understand? We are here and you don’t have to do it all yourself. " Gabriel looked at him with a small smile at the corner of his lips. He looked very touched and said "Of course, Bobby. Thank you." "I mean it Gabe. Cas will you walk me out?" Everyone looked surprised at that and Dean was curious at to what is going on that Bobby wants to talk to him alone. ALmost as if Bobby read his thoughts he looked back at Dean with a look that was letting Dean know that it was ok and nothing to be concerned about. Cas looked at Bobby as he stood up. "Of course Bobby,” as he walked over towards Bobby . Bobby hugged Mary, and gave Sam a half hug. He soon put his hand across Cas’ shoulder and started to walk out as he waved at everyone. They walked to the door and stopped for a minute. Dean could see they were talking and both walked out the door. Dean took another drink and looked over to Sam who nodded at him. Sam then looked at Gabe and said "so Gabe do you and Cas have any plans now that you are back home? " Gabe smiled and said "No we are just going to try to get to know the town again and see the changes that have happened while we were gone. We have no immediate plans now. I know Cas wants to write about his experiences but there is not a timeline on anything. We are just happy we got out of there when we did. I got to tell you it was touch and go with Cas for a while. He has got attached to the people and work there and felt it was unfair he got to leave. The problem is the native people were not in as much danger as the ones there trying to help. I m just grateful Chuck told him to leave and that he would keep in touch. I m not sure Cas would have gone otherwise even with the threat of danger that was there. By saying that, I’m not saying he didn’t want to come back. We had been thinking about this for years. He wanted to see you all but it got complicated You know how Cas is" They all nodded. “He really puts his heart into everything he does. He has changed in that way” "Is he really ok," Dean asked. “I realize its been a long time seeing him face to face and even on my part, speaking to him but I feel like he might not be, like somethings off. Also I wish now that I have seen you both again that I had kept better in touch." Gabe started at Dean for a moment and Dean wondered if he was going to answer. He then smiled and said "You always seemed to know him so well. Cas always understood and never had any hurt or negative feelings about that, Dean. You are right about him. For the most part, he is ok. There is just something deep in him that has changed him in different ways throughout the years. Its not anything specific but he has something inside that I see in him at times. He is very sensitive to others and is very giving of his time almost to a detriment. Dean smiled "Yeah thats Cas alright. He always was so giving and really went out of his way to help someone if he could" Sam and Mary nodded at that. "I can remember he would come into my room at night." Mary said and would ask me questions about life and the meaning of it. Sam smiled. "Yeah we would stand outside at night and talk about the stars . He knew all the constellations and would tell me about the stories of them. He always treated me like a friend even though I was younger. I hope he thought of me as a brother like I did him." "He did," Gabe said "Believe me he did" "I remember at 10 years old he would talk about measuring the circumference of the tree and how big they got. Who thinks of that at 10?: Dean said. “I remember when we were coming back from the store and we saw that dog that was lost. We had to put up posters and he was so worried about finding the owners.” “I remember that too” Sam said. “We kept it till he found the owners” “Yes,”Mary said smiling He made me put those posters up at the hospital. He kept apologizing to me for any trouble and the money for the printing of them. He really got himself worked up about it i kept häving to reassure him that everything would be ok” Cas walked Bobby to his truck. There was a cool breeze that made Cas shiver. He heard the trees blowing and it spooked him. He started looking around in all directions. He was very tense and worried about what Bobby asked him out for "Hey Cas,” Bobby’s voice startled him out of his thoughts. “If you need anything you know we are here for you. We will do whatever we have to. We would have before too. If I had known Gabe was looking to find you I would have came along. I would have enjoyed knocking those people in there around." "Thanks Bobby. I appreciate that. I did not want to get anyone involved because there would be circumstances. I knew how powerful my family was. Thats why I left is to save a lot of trouble for all of you. I felt it was the right choice. I did not want anyone to get hurt in any way or suffering because of me. I didn’t know what to do.” "We are family and even though we havent seen each other in a while hasnt changed that and it didnt change it then. You should have given us a chance to help. You took that choice from us. I know you and Sam have kept in touch and I heard what was going on but its not the same as seeing you.. I thought we were close I loved spending time with you, Dean and Sam. You were like sons to me. I dont think you gave us enough credit or trust to help: You had no right to take that choice from us. " Tears came out of Cas eyes as he looked at Bobby. Its not that I didnt trust any of you Bobby. I just didnt want to get you mixed up in my mess." "Hey Bobby interrupted "It was our mess. Mary knew what she was getting into We all knew what was happening. I know you were trying to protect us but you didnt have and shouldnt have. You were 16. You shouldnt have thought that. We stick together always. Do you understand? We wanted you here with us and we would have gotten through it" "Yes Bobby, I get your point" "Good" Bobby said. "Do you know how we felt when you left without letting us say anything. I understand you were hurting but that was no excuse to lock us out. Any way I guess thats enough of the lecture. Dont let it happen again You are a good kid. Dont let me have to have this talk again." Cas hugged Bobby again and said "OK Bobby Thanks" “Ok I ll see you Friday. I am sure there will be more visits Dont shut us out. We all want to get to know you again. AnywaybI have to go now. Got work tomorrow and I m not as young as I used to be so I cant stay up too late anymore. " "Bye Bobby"/ Bobby started the car, waved and left . Cas watched the car go down the road and disappear. He looked around again Cas looked at the sky for a few minutes. HE sighed and went in. 

He stopped for a minute before he approached the table and watched everyone talking. Gabriel was keeping everyone entertained and they were laughing. Leave it to Gabriel, Cas thought. He watched them all looking happy and all very involved in the conversation, except Dean who was smiling and reacting, but not saying much. Then he caught Deans eye and they stared at each other for a few minutes. Sam and Jess were laughing, Mary had her arm around Gabriel and he must have said something funny or offensive because she hit him lightly on the shoulder. Jo was still there and as loud as Gabriel. Ellen had left as other customers needed attending to.

Cas smiled as he walked over to the table. Ellen came over to the table and everyone decided to stop drinking due to it being a work night. Everyone got water except for Mary who was still drinking her tea. They all decided to get some pie to eat. 

"I see some things havent changed, " Cas laughed and looked over at Dean. 

"No that will never change,' Mary said. 

"Hey Cas." Sam said "remember the time that mom made the Apple pie and it disappeared. The pie tin was found outside."

Dean glared at Sam and nodded. Sam just laughted. 

Cas started laughing so hard at that. "Yes and I remember Dean could eat a whole pie on his own."

"And still can" Sam said. Jess started laughing and Mary looked at them and got a shocked look at Dean. "Dont tell me." she said "Dean"

Dean glared at Cas and Sam. He then looked at his mom and Said innocently "What mom?"

"I never knew" she said. "I thought a animal go it because the tin was on the ground." She laughed 

"Apparently a animal did and points to you" as he looked at Dean who looked angrily at Gabe. 

Mary just laughed again. "you know what, I dont care. That was on me. I should have known. Dean is always hungry and I remember that day that the pie disappeared he wasnt hungry. SHe laughed again. They all started laughing. 

"You were always the brave one, Dean. I remember there would be nights that I couldnt sleep because I heard a noise and you would be the one who would get up and look or make me feel better. You were never afraid of anything."

"That is true, Dean" Sam said. I would come in and you would let me sleep in your bed and we would all be in the same room huddled together."

Mary gave a smile, "Thats my little Dean. He was my little man of the house who always took care of protecting us."

Dean started blushing and turned pink which Cas smiled at and thought was so cute that it was something that hadnt changed. "Alright, " Dean said, "Thats enough."

"This was really great, I am really glad we did this" Mary said. "THank you Cas and Gabe,"

"Yeah,' Sam smiled widely. "You guys just got into town yesterday but we couldnt wait to see you."

"I am glad we did too. I really had a good time" Cas said. He smiled and looked down 

"It really was great to see you all. We are glad you didnt wait to ask. I wasnt around you all as much as Cas but I always knew Cas was as in good hands. I was lucky to find Chuck who helped me a lot being a foster parent to me but I had my issues then THe times I spent with you all was amazing and I can see why Cas loved it. THank you for taking care of him in the good times and bad times with our parents."

"It was my pleasure," Mary said. " He is my son too and he always will be. "

Dean started to get teary eyed and started to say something to change this subject but he looked at Mary , who knew what he was thinking and had the parental look that she sometimes had when he said something that he was uncomfortable with. He just smiled at her and she smiled back. 

"I hate to end this but I think it is time we go. It is a weeknight. Do you need a ride to the hotel?" He looked at Cas and Gabe. "I ll drop you on the way to taking mom home."Mary said "I ll ride home with Dean. ITs not problem"

Dean spoke up.. "Ill just take them. Mom is right along your way and you all live closer then I do and the hotel is right on my way home."

Cas spoke up and said "I dont want to impose. Its no problem to get a taxi"

I have them right on speed dial." Gabe said. 

"No its no problem.' Dean said. 

DOnt forget Friday. I want you and Gabe to stay the night. I have the 2 extra rooms. It will be fun and we can get caught up."

"No Mary, You dont have to go to that trouble;" Cas said. 

"Its no trouble at all. I have the room and I would love it You dont realize how much I have wanted to see you. Please say yes to this. I have waited so long to see you both.  
She smiled at them both and grabbed Cas’ hand. Its different talking to you and being face to face and now that you are here I dont want to let you both go" As a tear slipped from her eyes

Cas looked at Gabe and he nodded. "Ok as long as you are sure."

"Absolutely" SHe said "I would love it. Like I said I have been looking forward to this for so long." 

Sam started to head up with the check as Ellen came over and said "It looks like you are going now." Sam tried to pay on the bill. "No" she said "this was on the house." She walked over to Cas and hugged him tightly.

"It was good to see you Cas You ever need us to help you we will. I understand but dont ever do that again, If you ever have any problem you think is too much, you let us know. We lost a lot of time and can never get that back " 

"Ok Ellen" as he looked down. He looked up and smiled at her. She hit him on the shoulder and walked over to Gabe. "That goes for you too. We are always here for you"

Gabe smiled and said "Little ole me" She put her hands around his cheeks and kissed him on the cheek "And dont you forget it." "Thank you Ellen" He smiled at her. They held each other tightly a few minutes and as they pulled from each other Gabriel chuckled nervously

jo patted Gabe arms and told him. "I ll see you soon. Dont be a stranger" Gabe gave her a wink. "Dont you worry about that" 

She pushed herself in Cas arms and hugged him tight. "It was good to see you. I love you" Cas smiled as he said, "THanks, I love you too" 

Jessica gave both Gabe and Cas a hug. "It was nice to meet both of you. I hope to see more of you. Sam thinks very highly of you." 

Gabe smiled as Cas hugged her. "I hope so too and it was nice to meet you." 

Sam hugged Gabe "thanks for keeping in touch and let us know what was going on while you were over there:" Gabe smiled back and said "I know how close you were. It was hard but it is better. He started feeling biceps and he got a glint in his eye "You are pretty strong with that hug." as he smiled at Jess. "He is" she said and they all laughed. 

Sam got a thoughtful and fond look as he hugged Cas tightly. He fought the emotion he was feeling and how grateful he was at this moment . "I am SO glad to see you. We all missed you so much." He pulled away and both Sam and Cas had unshed tears. "I am glad too." Cas said. Sam hugged him again and as they walked away he said "See you Friday" He looked over at Dean and waved. “Talk to you soon” Dean waved back. “Sure Sam Be careful “ 

All three of them nervously stared at each other . Dean waved to Ellen as they headed out the door. 

It was a dark night but the stars were so bright. Cas smelled the air and looked up to them as he smiled thinking back to days before. Dean looked at him intently and they moved towards the Impala. Cas stared at the car. 

"I cant believe you finally fixed the car as he looked it over putting his hand against the hood. He smiled big and gummy and looked over at Dean. Something stirred in Dean as he realized that was a beautiful sight. 

Dean was proud of the car and loved Cas reaction "Bobby helped me. He had the car at his house and as soon as I got old enough we worked on it" 

Cas smiled at the car and looked at the sky "It is a beautiful night."

Dean looked at Cas and said "It really is and so quiet. There are a lot of bright stars 

Gabe noticed the looks Cas and Dean were giving each other and headed to the passenger side to the back seat of the car as Cas looked at him and said, "Are you sure? I can sit in the back to which he got a smile and said, "No you should sit in the front' Cas nodded as he got in the front seat. 

Dean got in the car and put on his music as Cas looked and said "Some things really never do change."

Dean smiled and said " thats right' Hey I can show you the town and how much it changed this weekend if you would like.' looking hopeful. Cas said "That would be nice as he looked out the window and looked at the scenery for the two miles back to the hotel. "I really missed these trees. 

"Yeah that figures" Dean said not wanting the ride to end. He tried to take the long way back.


	9. New Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings are coming up for everyone as they spend time together >  
> Cas faces his feelings of his oast and present as he learns to live with his guilt and learning to move on from the past 
> 
> Dean starts to spend more time with Cas and start to wonder about feelings for Cas  
> He begins regrets his decision of his choices of anger while Cas was gone the time spent not speaking to him

Dean soon gets to the hotel. "Do you want to come into the room" Gabe asks as they all get out. They all walk up to the room and as unlock the door and step in Dean looks around the room "Wow this is a nice room"

Gabe says "It is a nice room. We got lucky" He smiled and wiggled his eyes. Cas sighed and said “It was close and that was the main reason.” . Dean was amazed by the pictures on the walls of different places. There was a beautiful picture of Niagara Falls on one side and the San Franciso Golden Gate Bridge on the other. Both are places he has always wanted to see. The walls were a beige color with different designs in them that Dean wasn’t sure was maybe modern art, which led into the kitchen that was a good size and was about the size of his. He didnt think his kitchen was that large but for a hotel room he thought was a good size. In the middle, was a table and chairs. It led to a mini refrigerator with a stove and a sink. The kitchen had the same color of walls with a picture of Paris on the side wall. 

In the front room, where they came in, was a queen bed that had a blue bedspread and a end table next to it with a light gold lamp on it. There was a clock that had digital time. At the opposite end, was a small couch at that led into another bedroom, with a queen bed with a bedspread the same cover. It wasnt as big a room but had a dresser and end table with a balcony that looked onto the streets. >*Do you want a beer, Dean? "Cas asked. 

"No I better not. I still have to drive home. I got a early work day tomorrow," Dean said "which reminds me I should probably go. I have to get up early." He repeated and looks at Cas. Cas nods to him and smiles at him and Dean thought it lit up the room. He felt a flutter in his heart and couldn’t help smiling back as he thought it was the most beautiful sight ever. 

Dean loses his train of thought and just stared at that beautiful face. He then realizes he’s staring and looks way. Gabriel notices and walks into the kitchen and opens the mini fridge to grab a beer. 

He walks over to Dean, giving him a long look, until Dean looks at him a few seconds like there is a silent conversation but Dean is not sure yet what it is. Gabriel sizes Dean up and steps back as he says"I am going to take a shower,”to Cas. He looks over again to Dean, “It was very nice of your mother to offer us a room. Is that going to be ok" 

Dean looked over at Gabriel and said "Yeah thats my mom. Believe me, if it wasn’t ok she wouldn’t have offered She is so happy you are here and she wants to spend time with you and wants you to be comfortable She missed you so much" He smiled fondly and walked to Gabriel as he grabbed him by the arm and pulled him in as he hugged him close. Cas looks away and nods. "It was really good to see you again. I hope to see a lot of you and am so glad you are back." Gabriel smiles as his eyes water and hugs back with his one arm around Deans back and the other holding the beer. "Of course," he said. "We were always going to come back. This is our home." He pulls away and walks to the bathroom as he waves and chuckles as he says "See you Later "

Cas didnt want Dean to leave but he also felt anxious due to the hurt feelings back and forth while he was gone. It seems like Dean is not upset now but how would he even approach that conversation . Maybe someday they will be able to be totally honest. He thinks to himself maybe someday but it will be a while. He also understands that Dean had his life and his work is part of that life so he doesn’t want to be any part of Dean not feeling his best for work or feeling like he stayed too long. Hopefully he hopes they will talk about it soon. This is the first time he has seen Dean in years. It’s hardly the time to get that deep already. "Ok Dean I dont want you to be tired tomorrow while you are at work. It was really good to see you. I have thought about coming back for so long.” He looks at Dean and starts to say something and stops what he was going to say. “ I really had a great time tonight and it was so good to see everyone. I hope we do it again sometime." He couldnt believe Dean looks so good. He missed him so much. They were best friends and Dean was the closest to anyone he had, even Gabriel at that time and he misses their relationship. Tears started to come out of his eyes as he started to speak but he couldnt He didnt mean for his emotions to take over but he kind of lost control. He can’t believe he is losing it like this. He knew it would be difficult but he is not prepared for how he is reacting He starts to tremble as Dean grabs him and they stand holding on to each other and hugging. 

When Dean grabs Cas to hug him it was partially because he sees Cas struggling and getting emotional and partly because he wants to grab him and hold him close. He was so mad at Cas when he was gone but once he saw him again that completely disappeared. Holding him like this gives him a unexpected strange feeling that is good. It is almost like a feeling that ran in his body that was unimaginable. No words could describe it. It was like a bit of heaven which is he best way he can describe it. He has never get this way before He remembers when they were young, and how protective he always was of Cas and how good it felt. He missed it. Cas always had something about him that always drew Dean to him. Cas was always special and Dean felt it every time he was around him. He didn’t realize he would still feel this way when he saw Cas again. He dismisses that thought and thinks to himself ‘Get it together, man I thought I would last longer then this Don’t lose control Stop it’ As he is saying that to himself, he feels this man in his arms that he has missed so much for so long. His best friend who was so much closer then a best friend Those words dont even describe it at all. It is so much more that he feels inside his heart almost like it is in his soul. He tried to forget it but here it was stronger than ever. He has always acted too quickly at times, from his emotions , which is not always the best thing to do. ‘Why did you waste all that time when he was away of not talking to him,’ he thinks to himself. ‘Why did you waste all that time’ He knows there is no way to change what happened now but he’s not sure what to do now Being So close right now makes him realize that he’s not gonna waste any more time. This is another chance for him and Cas. He remembers how close they were and he is determined that they become that close again. Nothing will interfere, definitely not his pride. It will be a new beginning and now that Cas is here, he hopes he will stay. He is so thankful Cas had Gabriel, but he can’t help but feel a little hurt that Cas didn’t feel like he could talk to Dean before he left. He knows it was his own fault for not talking to Cas when he was gone and will always regret that. As he pulls away from Cas, he realizes that he is a little teary-eyed also. As he holds Cas and feels him tremble, he realizes it wasn’t only Cas who was feeling emotional and vulnerable . He brushes his hand unwittingly in Cas hair and as he looked in those blue eyes that is like nothing he’s seen before, he puts both hands on each of his shoulders. 

“Are you ok Cas?” He puts his hand on his neck. Cas stares at him and stays still for a few seconds, even though it seems like hours, and seems somewhere else. He snaps back into reality and gives a small smile. His face turns red. It was a melancholy feeling being back facing a person that he didn’t think he would face again. It’s quite a experience being this close to him again “ I’m sorry, Just lost myself a bit. “ “Nothing to apologize for,” Dean saiid. “ You’ve been gone a long time it’s going to be a little strange being back.”

He looks at Dean and sees some tears in Deans eyes as he wipes some from his own eyes. He has a small smile as he looks in those eyes that he missed so much and realizes how great it feels to be looking into those again and how amazing and beautiful they are. 

Just then Gabriel comes out of the bathroom He looks at them a few minutes and sees they haven’t noticed him yet even though he wasn’t particularly quiet about coming out. 

He walks to the kitchen and grabs a bottle of water and smirks at them as he starts making more noise then he needs to. He starts laughing and sits down at the small table and looks at them with a big grin. “Well, I guess I didn’t need to say goodbye since obviously you are still here. That was a waste of my emotions”/p>

He clears his throat loudly and starts chuckling again. “Did either of you see me come out and watch you for the last few minutes or is this a show for me that’s supposed to be a “rom-com?”

Gabriel s voice knock them both out of the trance-like stare they had at each other. Cas glares at Gabriel and walks to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. He looks over at Dean and holds it up towards Dean. Dean smiles and nods. 

Cas takes a deep breath after seeing that beautiful smile he missed so much. He walks over to Dean and hands the water to Dean. He hopes he not as red as he thinks he thinks he is. He gets embarrassed easily and Gabriel of course, knows that. 

Dean looks at Gabriel with a smile. “ That’s pretty funny Gabriel. Was there a reason why you came out especially since we had our emotional scene.” He says with a smirk. “Ouch,” Gabriel says. “ That’s hurts more then I would have thought. I really thought you would be, oh I don’t know, maybe nice after seeing me again after such a long time” “This is nice to you Gabriel “he deadpans . It’s funny how it seems like they just saw each other with the teasing. It’s so hard to believe it’s been 12 years. Gabe looks surprised and smiles “Wow, I underestimated you. We are going to get along great. I’m sure we’ll talk tomorrow Not to waste that wonderful scene we had I will take my leave now. He smiles a big grin and heads to the bedroom as he waves. Cas closes his mouth after watching Dean and Gabriel in shock, not sure what to say at this point. “I’m sorry about Gabe” he sputters out. Dean just laughs with his whole body and pats Cas shoulder. He takes a drink of water and nods. “There’s nothing to apologize for and if you ever tell him I will deny it, but I really missed that snarky attitude of his. I’m glad that hasn’t changed.” Cas looks toward the door Gabriel disappeared to. “That will never change. Believe me.” Dean looks at Cas and smiles as his eyes water again with unshed tears. “I’m glad to hear that.” Cas sits down on the couch and drinks some water. “I don’t know if you will be saying that in a month from now.” Dean sat by Cas “Sure I will. That is part of what makes Gabriel Gabriel ” “Yeah you are right about that. Out of all that happened I always could count on that to be there. It grounded me at times. Gabriel gave up everything for me” He looks at Dean and looks away and smiles. Dean looked concerned “Yeah i’m Could see that. I’m glad you had him.” His phone vibrated and he looks at it and wipes his eyes and smiles. He texts back and looks up at Cas concerned look. “It is Sam. He is at my moms house and getting ready to go home. He’s checking on me. I’m just texting him letting him know I am talking to you here.” Cas smiles and gets up. “Our brothers are always looking out for each us. They are amazing.” Dean nods. Cas goes into the kitchen “I am gong to make some tea. Do you want some? It will help you sleep when you go home.” He gets two cups out and starts water on the stove.” “I don’t think tea will help me sleep.” Cas smiles and looks shyly “Trust me. It will help you sleep. It is a calming tea.” Dean watches Cas. He hasn’t seen Cas in so long. They were both so young. Now they are both grown men. “Cas, do you remember when we went camping? I was so amazed by you. It was so great to watch you so excited by the trees and he sky. It was so great seeing you on your first camping trip discovering everything. It was the best part of my trip I can’t even tell you how much better of a trip it was because you were there.” p>Cas stared at Dean for a few minutes. “That is one of my favorite memories and the best time I had. I had never got to do anything like that. My family never did anything like that. They didnt have time or never would do that. That was amazing for me. I loved that. That is when I felt like we were family. I really loved being with you Sam and Bobby. It was amazing being out there among the trees and lake The sky was more beautiful then anything I had ever seen.” Dean looked in Cas’ eyes. “I can think of something more beautiful” They stare at each other transfixed until the kettle goes off. Cas jumps and gets up to get the water to put in the cops with the tea bags and let it sit. Cas was happy to have something to do. He doesn’t know what to do or say. ‘Did Dean say what I think he did? What do I say now? What if I’m wrong? Dean wouldn’t say that now after not seeing each other in 12 years? What do I do?” He feels panicked but holds him together. ‘Please don’t mess this up’ He brings back the cups of tea to the table. They both drink the tea quietly. Hey Cas, I’m so glad you are back more than I can say. I want o get to know you again.” “Thanks Dean I feel the same too. I would like that. I want to change my life and feel normal . I want to finally have my life. I want us all to feel like family again like we did before .” 

You are and always have been family. Don’t forget that, no matter what did or will happen.” He grabs Cas hand. They sit there and finish the tea, Cas is so beautiful, Dean stared at him and couldn’t believe h as here with Cas now. He blinked and realized he was staring, hoping Cas didn’t notice. Cas looked down and his face was red so he probably did. “I guess I better go. I am feeling a little tired. Can I call you tomorrow?” 

“Yes,” Cas says “Of course. Please do.” 

“Where’s your phone?” 

Cas gets up to get it and hands it to Dean and Dean puts his number in Cas phone and texts himself. He sets Cas phone down and finishes the tea. He gets up and pulls Cas up and hugs him. He feels so comfortable like nothing else has before . Cas hugs back and lays his head into Deans neck. They just stand there for minutes or hours. Neither one knows or cares 

Dean pulls away and they both walk to the door. He doesn’t want to leave but he knows he has to They will talk tomorrow he hopes “It was really great tonight I’m so glad you are back I ll talk to you tomorrow. ” Dean grabs him and hugs him. 

“Ok Dean” Cas says with a smile . “Talk to you tomorrow I’m glad to be back. Be careful on your way home ” 

“Of course” as he opens the door and looks back at Cas again “goodbye” and walks out to the hall. 

Cas follows him out and waves at him as Dean walks to the elevator He steps back in the room and closes his eyes as he leans back to the door. He opens his eyes and realizes his face is wet . He wipes his eyes as he heads to the bathroom and brushes some water on his face and brushes his teeth. He comes out and cleans the cups, changes into his pjs and lays on the bed. ‘What am I going to do now’ He doesn’t find sleep easily even though he drank the tea but he tries . 

Gabriel hears Cas. He listens to make sure Cas is ok just like he has for so long He knows this is not going to be easy for anyone especially his little brother but he will ll be here for him just like he always is and always will be..’ 

Dean rides down the elevator with his fist clenched tightly. He gets it and heads to the Impala and hurriedly gets in. He lays his head on the steering wheel and clutches it. After a few minutes, he heads home.

He gets home soon after thinking along the way about the night. He didn’t expect for them to get along so well already. Once he saw Cas walk in the Roadhouse, all the hurt feelings and anger he had before disappeared. He was so happy that see Cas and it didnt hurt that Cas looked so good but it was more then that. They were so young the last time they saw each other and it has been so long. Dean spent most of that time pushing his feelings down that he forgot how much he missed and loved Cas. Once he saw him all of his feelings came back in full force.

By the time he pulls into his garage, he realizes how tired he is. He smiles thinking of Cas telling him to trust him about the tea. He goes inside and locks up and brushes his teeth and gets ready for bed. He texts Sam tells him he is at home and is going to bed and will talk to him tomorrow He didn’t want to talk and is just too tired and worn out He changes and puts his clothes in the hamper. He gets a glass of water to set next to his head as he sets his alarm as he gets into bed. I need to try to keep my thoughts in check and stay calm till we see each other more especially now that Cas and Gabriel will be staying at moms for a while. I need to not mess this up He smiles. Nothing may happen and maybe it will. He wonders why he already is thinking like this. They still need to get to know each other again before anything else can happen. There was always something about Cas and how he felt around him. He almost forgot it but he remembers now ‘I need to just relax and just wait and see what happens. Put yourself together man’ He falls asleep with that same smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it took this long A lot happening I didn’t mean for it to be so long to anyone who is following


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